Untouchable face

45.

Derek was an ass. That was what she was going with now at least. Derek was an ass and she really didn't care if she never saw him again. She thought he was a good guy but clearly she had been wrong so if he never came back to visit that would be fine. And the anger felt a lot better than the sadness. She could sleep at night if she wasn't sad, if she didn't feel like she would burst into tears. Anger was just...better. She could be more hardcore, she could stop crying at night, and she could just get her life back under control. It was better in the long run. Clearly he wasn't worth her tears. She had told friends that over and over again. She might not have done the dating thing but when a friend was sad about a guy, she always told him that he was an ass and that they weren't worth the tears. So she was done crying over him.

Instead, she was burying herself in her work and being the best intern she possibly could be. Dr. Crichek said he was impressed by all of her hard work so this was great. It was actually exactly what she had been looking for before Derek had come into her life with his stupid broken back. A lot of people thought she had it easy because of who her mom was. She had heard the talk about her not being worked as hard, and just passing through everything so she wanted to work hard to prove herself beyond her last name. That had been her goal before Derek, and that could be her goal again. All of this was just totally ridiculous and she had to go back to focusing on her career and being the best surgeon she could be. Which meant she was going to study during her lunch break, not spy on Derek during PT.

She was tempted to. He was doing so much better, Aaron had told her that much and it was really tempting to check in on him. He had been so worried about not getting back to walking and everything that watching him would be amazing but that wasn't going to happen. She'd just want to scream at him. He was clearly the world's biggest ass ever and that was that. But she wasn't thinking about him. She was eating her salad and she was studying up for her cranial reconstruction in a few hours. Because Meredith Grey was a hardcore surgeon.

"Meredith?"

"What?" she turned quickly, her stomach rising in her throat when she saw Derek Shepherd standing, gripping a walker, in the doorway of the conference room.

"Hi. Hi," he breathed.

"You...what the hell are you doing here?" she snapped as she stood.

"I...I came to say hi..."

"Oh, you did," she rolled her eyes. "After almost two weeks? That's nice, Derek. Thanks."

"Okay, I probably deserve that..."

"Probably?" she laughed. "Probably? You disapeared off the face of the planet after giving me...and swearing we were friends and this wasn't going to just...and now you decide to say hi? Why? Because you hurt yourself again? What do you need from me now?"

"Nothing, nothing..."

"So why the hell are you here now? You just...and you were here! You were in the hospital! I saw you!"

"I know," he breathed.

"So what the hell do you want now?"

"I just...wanted to talk to you and...explain myself..."

"Explain...why do you think I even want to hear it?" she demanded, even if she did desperately want to hear it.

"Because you deserve it."

"Because you're a huge massive ass?"

"I am," he nodded.

"Oh," she murmured.

"I'm a massive ass, I know."

"Oh...okay..." she nodded slowly.

"And I'm sorry."