Untouchable face

17.

Today, Derek had gotten out of bed. It had felt good. Or at least it had felt good if he ignored the pain that had rocked through his body. Moving had hurt more than anything he could have imagined but now that it had stopped, it felt good to know he had finally gotten out of bed. It had been too long.

For two weeks, he had spent too much time in the hospital bed, floating in and out of unconsciousness. He had had doctors and nurses and his mom and his girlfriend do everything for him, and it had driven him mad. But today felt like a big step. Even if it killed him, even if he wanted to curl up and not feel the pain, he knew today was huge. It wasn't much. He hadn't moved out of the room, although Aaron had said they might do that tomorrow but still, it had felt like a success. For the first time since he had woken up in the hospital, he had felt something like hope. He had felt that maybe this was getting somewhere.

He'd be going home in two weeks, which meant he'd be able to try to get back to his routine. He wouldn't be going to work, and there would be rehab, but at least he'd be home. It was an amazing thought, and he was excited. He was ready to be done with the whole hospital thing. He hated hospitals and he'd be quite alright if he never had to stay in one this long again. The only high point had been having a cute doctor that was fun to talk to but she didn't exactly make staying in a bed all day that much easier.

Meredith did make other things easier though. She had made the getting in a wheelchair thing easier earlier. He had wanted to give up, he had wanted to just tell Aaron to take his wheelchair and go screw himself, but Meredith had constantly reminded him he could do this. She had made it not so devastating. He had no idea how she did it but she always knew exactly what to say to him. She hadn't known him all that long and they hadn't talked all that much but somehow, when things felt hard, she knew more than anyone else exactly what to say to make him feel better about things. She was a little pushy and bossy, but it seemed to work pretty well for him. It was better than a cheerleader or a girlfriend freaking out whenever he was in pain. He shouldn't actually be thinking that thought, and he knew it. Comparing Maggie and Meredith wasn't fair at all, and Maggie was trying her best.

Meredith wasn't emotionally connected to him, so it was easier on her. Maggie was in this, entirely in this. He couldn't imagine how he'd react if it was Maggie all but screaming in pain from just standing up. He'd probably lose it and demand that no one touched her so he couldn't blame her. Still, he didn't need it every single time. He didn't want to kick his girlfriend out of his PT sessions, but he couldn't have her bursting into tears or demanding he quit every single time. Even now, as she flipped through a magazine, he could see the tears glistening in her eyes. He knew this would be a lot easier to get through if he had her beside him. He knew he needed support and he needed strength and he knew Maggie could do this. It was going to be good pain, pain that meant he was pushing his body to get better. She needed to remember that.

His last therapy session after lunch had been just as bad as the first one this morning, except Meredith hadn't been there this time. Aaron had been really encouraging, Mom had squeezed his hand when the pain got too crazy, but Maggie had just cried. She had to stop it. He got it, he understood it all too well but she needed to figure out a way to not cry everytime he gasped in pain. From what Meredith had said, it'd be a long time till he felt no pain at all and he couldn't imagine living like this. It wasn't good for him and it wasn't good for her.

"Hey," she murmured as she reached to squeeze his arm.

"Hey," he breathed.

"How are you doing?" his girlfriend asked. He had been sleeping since the second PT session, or at least dozing in and out.

"Hmmmm...okay," he sighed. "A little stoned."

"I know. Meredith came in and gave you another dosage."