Untouchable face

49.

Maggie had never really been in this situation before. It wasn't exactly like she had never ended a relationship before, she had plenty of times and she had been dumped plenty of times before too but she had never quite been here. And she really had no idea how she was supposed to handle this.

A few months ago, she had been completely happy with Derek. She had never thought she could be anything but happy with him until...well, now. Ever since his accident, Maggie had felt things changing between them, changing with him. He wasn't the same person he had been before, and it was starting to kill their relationship. At first she had thought she wanted to fight for it, she wanted to fight to keep this thing going but now she wasn't so sure. She wasn't exactly sure what had happened but she knew that the idea of this ending wasn't breaking her heart the way she had thought it would.

When she had sat in the hospital with his mom right after the accident, she had thought she would die if Derek died. He was an incredible man and she was beyond in love with him. But now, as he read a book, propped against pillows, she figured it would be easier if maybe she just left in the middle of the night. It would be mean, it would be really mean. She wasn't exactly sure what Derek was feeling for her right now but she knew that he still wasn't in a great place. She never thought Derek Shepherd would be someone who got depressed or whatever it was this was but she didn't think it was right to leave right now.

Physically, he was really doing well. She was always a little surprised when he just used a cane to move around their house, or when he went to the bathroom without any help at all. He was doing so well and she knew he'd be back to normal soon. But emotionally, he was a mess. She wasn't exactly sure what was going through his head. He was recovering wonderfully, he was back to work but something was still off. She wanted to blame it on their awkwardness but she also knew that she knew him too well to really believe that that was all that it was. He was still off and she couldn't dump him.

Lately she thought about it every day. She thought about just sitting him down and pointing out that they weren't working anymore. But then he would look at her and tell her he was trying, that something was wrong and he wasn't sure what. Dumping him could make that worse for him. Before all of this she never would have thought that dumping Derek would be enough to break him but now she wasn't so sure and she couldn't be responsile for that. So until he was doing better, she was going to have to stay with him. She had to make sure he was doing okay. She did still love him, she really did. She just wasn't sure if she loved him the way she was supposed to. They hadn't said much to each other today, and she found herself not wanting to say a word to him. She just wanted to close her eyes and pretend things were good, like the way before.

In the past, sitting in bed at night and reading would have meant playing footsy. They used to do it all the time and it usually led to entirely forgetting about the books they had been reading and getting caught up in something entirely different. But now his feet were no where near hers and she didn't care. She had no idea if he was cleared to have sex, or if he even could. She had stopped asking him a week ago, when his kisses had become less than passionate. He didn't seem to even realize she was alive anymore, which was fine, except it wasn't. This was hell on Earth.

"How...how's the book?" she asked.

"Hmmmm..." he nodded. "Good."

"That's good."

"Yours?" he turned the page.

"Good."

"Hmmmm," he nodded.

"Yeah," Maggie breathed.

"Hmmmm," he breathed again.

"Yep," Maggie nodded, blinking quickly. This wasn't how they ever had been. They talked and talked and talked and now she couldn't think of a single thing she wanted to say to the man that she had been with for the last two years of her life.