Untouchable face

10.

Love was stupid. It was stupid and unrealistic and clearly only worked for people who went to Europe and were kissy and had names like Maggie. Maggie was a name that just sounded sweet, and the stupid thing was, she was. Derek's girlfriend was one of the nicest people she had ever met, and Meredith wanted to hate her. She wanted to hate her and she wanted Derek Shepherd to go home. Life had been a lot easier before Derek Shepherd had come into the ER. Life had been simple. She hadn't actually been happy but at least she knew what the hell she was doing most of the time and she got what was going on in her head. Now she had a stupid contractor with a broken back to take care of that made everything spinny in her head.

At first she had thought it was because he was hot. She had thought it was the blue eyes and the dark curls and the way he smiled slightly, even when he was stoned on morphine. Which was fine, it was okay if she just thought her patient was cute, but it was more than that. He was funny. Derek was funny and nice and actually seemed to be everything but an asshole boyfriend to Maggie. She didn't usually get to know guys. She talked to them briefly and then slept with him but she talked to Derek. He seemed to be chatty now that his brain was clearer and he was nice to talk to, really nice to talk to. He was charming and he just seemed...warm. She hated that saying but Derek seemed like a warm person.

Which was why she wanted him to just go home. She couldn't be thinking her patient was warm, not when he had a great girlfriend who was always nice and seemed honestly concerned with his recovery. It wasn't good at all, and it was against the rules. Not just a little against the rules, it was against the rules in a way that could possibly get her fired. And it was really just stupid. Even if Derek didn't have this perfect, amazing girlfriend it wasn't like anything would ever happen between them. Derek Shepherd screamed commitment and long term and things that Meredith generally avoided. So it wasn't like everything would be different if Maggie didn't exist.

Which was why she was here, at Joe's bar, instead of curled up in bed. Her head was full and it was spinny, and she really just needed some tequila. She could do a couple shots, have a margarita or two, and then maybe pick someone up. It made her cringe a little, but she knew it was one of the few things that could clear her head for a couple hours. She needed it tonight. If she had any hope of facing Derek and Maggie and Derek's family tomorrow she needed a few hours of forgetting about how strange things felt around Derek. She had never experienced it before and she needed him to just get better and get out of her life.

So she just took a deep breath and sat down at the bar next to Cristina, George, Alex, and Lexie. It would be fine. She could get this to make sense and she'd be fine tomorrow morning. "Tequila, Joe," she ordered the bartender. "A lot of tequila."

"Well it sounds like you've had a day," Cristina laughed.

"That's an understatement."

"Is everything okay with Derek?" Lexie asked.

"Oh...yeah," Meredith nodded quickly. "I mean...his brain bleed has resolved itself, which is beyond good."

"That's really good," Lexie smiled.

"It really is."

"But long day," Cristina shrugged.

"It's complicated."

"Because you want in his pjs?"

"Cristina!"

"What? It's true."

"It's not...he's nice. He's a nice guy and he looks like that and...he's my patient."

"So?" Cristina asked.

"So he's my patient."

"It's...hard," Lexie nodded.

"It's against the rules," George pointed out.