Untouchable face

30.

Before his accident, a typical night at home alone with his girlfriend involved a bottle of wine and a night of primetime television that they rarely paid any attention to. It was just the way they spent their nights, they talked and laughed and then would go to bed together to do anything but sleep. But that had been before his accident. His accident had made everything different. Their nights now meant watching tv on the crappy one in his room and sipping at water or juice. He hated it but he figured it would be fine if it wasn't for the silence. For the first time since he had met Maggie, he actually knew what was going on on primetime television. When he had first gotten hurt, and he had been stoned, Maggie had curled up in bed next to him and talked to him constantly. But over the last couple of days, Derek was starting to notice that Maggie just sat in the chair next to his bed and didn't say much at all. And instead of worrying him, he actually kind of liked the change. He had no idea when that had happened. He loved cuddling with her, he loved touching her but now they weren't anymore. Now he was more comfortable with her sitting away from him and he hated even thinking that. They had been really happy.

At some point, something had changed. He wasn't sure what, he couldn't put his finger on it, but Maggie was sitting on the chair, her eyes firmly on the TV and he didn't know what to do. So instead he stared at the TV and tried to wrap his mind around the almost kiss with Meredith. He had no idea how that had happened either. One second he had been upset and she had hugged him to cheer him up and the next he had been desperate to kiss her. He had actually felt desperate in a way he never had before and it made him feel uncomfortable and yet warm all at once.

It was a horrible thing to even be thinking about with his girlfriend sitting in the room with him but he couldn't help it. In that moment with Meredith, when their lips had been inches apart, he had completely forgotten about having a girlfriend. He had just wanted to hold his doctor. It was crazy. He liked Meredith, he liked her a hell of a hot. She was funny and easy to talk to and unpredictable and gorgeous but he never would cheat on Maggie. He didn't even like thinking about other girls all that much. But he had almost cheated. A kiss would have been cheating and he couldn't figure out why it wasn't bothering him more. Or why he wasn't bothered by the fact that Maggie wasn't cuddling with him, making fun of all the commercials.

He was starting to think that everything in his life was changing in ways he had never expected. He had been happy with his life, he had been. It had been a good life but he wasn't sure it would ever go back to way again. And he was really torn on how he felt about that.

His life had been...predictable. Every day was the same, and he hadn't been bored by it. He had been happy, really happy, and now everything had been turned upside down and he didn't know what to do. And no matter how much Meredith said everything would be normal again, he wasn't sure he wanted it to be.

Looking back, he felt like his life had kind of been boring. He had been happy, content and life had been good but it was slightly boring and he wasn't sure if he could go back to that. Which was really strange. And he had no idea what it mean he was supposed to be doing next. He wasn't going to panic about it yet though. Meredith told him every day that he needed to relax and just let things happen, and that's what he was going to do. For the first time in his life, he was going to try to relinquish control. It scared the hell out of him, but it had to happen. Now wasn't the time to figure it all out. He knew he needed to but he had a couple more days before he went home and then things were going to change again for him. He couldn't make any big life moves until he was home and back on steady feet.

"Are...are you comfortable?" Maggie asked suddenly.

"Oh...yeah, yeah," he nodded. "As I can be."

"That's good."

"Hmmmm..." he smiled at her.

"I'm probably going to sleep at home tomorrow," she smiled back at him. "Get things ready."