For Your Love. {Damiano David}

Chapter Fifty Five - Night Time.

Hey little baby, pretty little honey
Tell me what you're doing here
Insane asylums and yellow times
I've been dreaming of this day for my whole life

Hey little honey, bubblegum baby
What you doing up so late?
I spend my old days making up pretty stories

I
Say the words like they're your last
Let's Fuck till the end of time
And I
I can't breath any longer
Drowning under your starry waters

Sentimental years
Sentimental fears

Hey little honey, sweet little bunny
Tell me what it is you want
Moving picture theatres
How bittersweet, your tears they fall

Hey little baby, rosy little angel
Tell me what it is you need
Sunny sidewalks in an afternoon
Silver smoke kissing in the blue dark

*SUICIDE ATTEMPT WARNING*

22:40
Damiano and I had finished our dinner at one of the local restaurants near our hotel and were now taking a nice long walk by the water while we talk about everything we got up to after we broke up. I guess you could say it was a catch up for the things we missed.

"No I'm being serious... I went to the studio in the day and moped around which made my band angry at me, after we were finished I would go to the nightclub alone and try to avoid having to go home for as long as I could" He shrugs, staring down at his shoes as we walked. I frown up at him and play with a piece of his hair comfortingly. I had spent this entire year thinking he got over me so easily... and I was the furthest from right.

"Were you ever happy without me?" I ask softly, watching as he turns to look back up at me. I could see the love in his eyes when he did and that's when I knew he wasn't.

"Of course I wasn't" He smiles at me sadly. "Were you happy without me?"

June 6th 2019.

A month ago tomorrow he left. A month ago was the last time I felt true happiness and that was when I was walking to our apartment only to find it empty with nothing but a letter that didn't even seem heartfelt in the slightest.
I lay on my tiled bathroom floor numbly, staring up at the ceiling that looked like it was spinning when in reality it wasn't moving at all, trying to stop myself from reaching for the bottle of painkillers that sat on the corner of the bath. My parents had left for work and Alessia was at school so there was nothing left to distract me from all of the suicidal thoughts running through my head. I had been holding back the tears all day for the benefit of others but I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't pretend I wasn't breaking in the inside because I was... maybe I was already fully broken and I just didn't know it yet.

I force myself to sit up from the floor to stop me from choking on my tears or sobs as they stream down my face immediately.
When was I going to get over him? At this moment in time it felt impossible. He was everywhere I looked, my parents still had all our holiday photos up on the wall around the house. All of our memories would pop up in my camera roll and remind me of what I didn't have anymore and I hated that.
He was probably fucking some other girl right now as I lay on the cold floor mourning him and our relationship, he was probably admiring a body I didn't have, a face I also didn't have... he was probably giving her all the love he used to give me and that's what killed. I was probably the easiest person to replace.
I simply wasn't good enough.