For Your Love. {Damiano David}

Chapter Eight - Me.

I was late but I arrived
I'm sorry, but I'd rather be getting high than watching my family die
Exaggerate and you and I
I think I did something terrible to your body, don't you mind?

November 5th 2020

A day or two had passed since we made up and things have been a hell of a lot easier between us. We're giving a more convincing performance for Alessia and she's fully believing it so that's a plus.

Nonna on the other hand... isn't doing very well. She couldn't breathe last night and now she's having to a machine that gives her the air she needs which Lucia prescribed for her. She's been pretty out of it all morning. 

I dice all the vegetables and throw them all in a bowl to wash just as my dad tiredly walks into the room with his coffee.

"How's she doing?" I ask him immediately, shaking the water out of the bowl.

"Same as this morning sweetheart" He smiles sadly. "Your mums laying with her right now" 

I nod somberly as I place the vegetables in a tray and drown them in olive oil and a pinch of salt before placing them in the oven. 

"Daddy! Daddy!!" Alessia rushes into the room excitedly with microphone in her hand. Where the hell did she get that from? 

"What's that baby? Where did you get it?"

"Dee let me hold it! His bands here to play nonna a few songs to make her feel better" She explains. Oh my god... they would be here. I haven't seen them since I left to go back home to Scotland. Why was I nervous? Ugh I felt sick. Should I go through and say hello now... or should I wait? Just at that moment Damiano walks into the room with a bright smile on his face.

"You have visitors who are very excited to see you" 

That was my cue. I took off quickly in the direction of the sitting room to see they were all setting up their amps and equipment. Ethan was the first to notice me and when he did, I could see he got a bit emotional. He drops one of his cymbals and rushes across the room to pick me up and spin me around happily. I grin, holding onto him tightly breathing in his familiar minty scent. Vic and Thomas quickly rush over just as Ethan places me back down, I feel myself get showered with so much love.

"Non posso credere che tu sia qui!" I exclaim happily, speaking in Italian so Ethan would be able to understand. (I can't believe you're here!)

"Pensavamo che non ti avremmo più visto, come stai?" Thomas asks me. (We thought we weren't going to see you again, how are you?)

"Ci sto arrivando, sono così felice di vedervi tutti" I grin, taking Vic's hand tightly in mine as she leans over and kisses my cheek firmly. (I'm getting there, I'm just so happy to see you all)

"Sei così bella" Ethan compliments me as I pull him into a quick, happy hug. Man was I so happy to see these guys again.

........

Måneskin were performing one of their songs 'Torna A Casa' as I was holding my Nonna's hand who was swaying her head along, mouthing every single word. It made me happy to see her so happy. 

I had forgotten how soothing Damiano's voice was, after we broke up I tried to avoid the band and their music completely because it reminded me of certain times.
As I was listening to every single lyric it started to dawn on me how similar the words were to our situation, he wouldn't have written a song about me though would he? I mean he left me, it just doesn't seem possible that he could have been very sad about it. 

The name Marlena is sung and I freeze in my seat, I glance over to see Damiano staring at me as he sings every single word of the chorus. 

Marlena. That was a nickname he liked to call me after we visited a famous beach on holiday two years ago, Marlena means star of the sea and he loved it so much that he would say the name in public and confuse the shit out of people who didn't understand and were convinced my name was Eve.
I was beginning to feel nauseous. I couldn't shake off this anxious feeling as I could feel his stare burning a hole through me. I had to get out of here and I had to go now. 

I kiss my Nonna's hand and 'excuse' myself from the room. I walk towards the arch leading to the hallway and turn back around a final time before I leave the room to see Damiano was still staring at me as if he was begging me with his eyes not to leave.

This was going to be easy for him of course... But I... I can't do this. I can't wrap my head around these gestures and remember that it was him who walked out on me. I can't pretend like that didn't happen because losing him made me lose myself. I turn my back to him and make a break for it. I rush out the front door, feeling the colder air on my skin and close it behind me running out of the gate as quick as I can. 
I couldn't fall down the same dark hole I did a year ago, I couldn't do that to my mum, my Nonna and Alessia again.

01:58

The alcohol had hit my system rapidly at the bar twenty minutes ago which made the walk back unbearable. I hated the way I dealt with feelings and situations, it made me so frustrated with myself because I knew wherever Nonno was... he was looking down at me disappointedly. After a whole twenty minutes in attempting to climb the hill, I had finally made the last bit. I grab onto the gate and push myself through it as I stumble with every step I take. I glance up to see a figure was sat on the front steps, a cloud of smoke circled around them and it was just the person I was hoping to avoid. I blink through my clouded vision and try to walk over as naturally and sober as possible. The closer I got, the more I felt that familiar knot in my stomach tighten. Why did he have to make me feel like this. I felt so fucking stupid.

"Dove diavolo sei stato?" He stands up angrily, stubbing out his cigarette. (Where the hell have you been?)

"I.. I am too drunk to speak Italian" I slur, chuckling as I loose my balance. He grabs my waist and stops me from falling backwards but I push myself away from him.

"Don't touch me" I warn, attempting to climb the three front steps.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Nonna isn't well and you are just parading off in the middle of the night, getting drunk?" He spits. You did this. You just had to fuck me over with that fucking song. 

"Shut the fuck up and get the hell away from me before I give you something to be angry about" I threaten, slapping his hand away. 

"Don't fucking talk to me like that" Damiano shakes his head sternly at me, clearly hurt at my words. 

"Well get the fuck away from me" I get up all three steps and fall against the door drunkenly. In seconds I feel myself get grabbed and thrown over his shoulder, I wanted to kick and scream but the alcohol had worn me out too much.