The extremely important and informative video above: 13 Reasons Why | Discussion Series: Understanding Consent
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sixteen - kiana
I'VE BEEN STANDING outside the lecture hall for a good five minutes now. My brain has decided that now is a good time to completely paralyze all my limbs even though I know I need to get in and that I must look like an idiot.
Coming to this class sober is a bad idea, I know it. There's no way I can get through it sober. I can't even get through the damn door sober.
"Kiana, hey." Someone abruptly pulls my attention to them.
I shift my gaze to see the guy from the other day with the letter...Kayden. "Hey." I choke out, plastering a fake smile on my face.
"Are you okay?" Concern fills his voice.
"Yeah." I laugh...and God does it sound fake. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"You've been standing here motionless for like a good five minutes."
Oh shit.
"No I haven't." I scoff, lying badly...really badly.
"I was standing not too far from you talking to a friend for like five minutes and the entire time you were just frozen in place." My eyes pop out of their sockets as each syllable slides off his tongue.
"Um...I uh..."
He arches an eyebrow at my sudden inability to speak.
"I spaced." I quickly say. Too quickly. "It happens a lot."
What happens a lot Kiana? You looking like a complete idiot? You are a complete idiot.
He doesn't seem to buy my lie entirely but he still smiles at me and asks, "Sit with me today?"
And just like that, my heart stops again as it dawns on me that I do in fact have to get in now. Or I could just fake an emergency and bolt off now, buy a ticket to Barbados and rent out a bungalow there.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Kayden asks again.
Get your shit together Kiana.
"Yeah, yeah. I'm... I'm great." I lie. "Let's go."
I hold my breath, abandoning my Barbados plans as I slowly follow his lead into the lecture hall. I keep my gaze on his feet, not wanting to look to see if Professor Chester's already here. When we seat, I refuse to look at the front of the room, knowing if I actually see his face, I might lose it. I don't trust myself. And I can't lose it here.
"Alright, everyone settle down!" I hear his voice boom across the hall and I feel my breathing quicken, learning that I do not have to see his face to get a mini heart attack and minor panic attack in one sitting. "Glad to see you all." He speaks again when the noise starts to go down.
I make the mistake of looking at him and he's looking right back at me, an innocent smile etched on his face. He looks away first, moving to his desk and I hold on to the arms of my seat, tearing my eyes away from him.
He starts to teach the class, but his voice is distant in my head. All I can think about is how many wrong things could go down tonight in his office. New York was supposed to be an escape but instead, it's starting to feel a lot like how it was back home.
***
With blurry vision, I make my way through the building. And with very step that takes me closer to Professor Chester, the pounding in my head only gets worse.
When I see his door, I get the urge to run away and get help but I know better. No one's going to believe me anyways. And no one needs to know. He'll get bored of me, he has to. He has to. This will all be over soon.
I slowly lift my hand to knock the door, sending a quick prayer to heaven that he's not around and that he completely forgot about me. All my hope is however crashed when he opens the door, a cunning smile creeping up his face.
He peeks outside the hall for anyone lurking around before saying, "I thought you were going to bail. Come in Ms Brooklyn."
I don't say anything as I make my way in, legs barely holding me up.
He grabs my hand and leads me to his desk where he pulls my jeans down to my knees, his stern voice urging me to "take them off." And with trembling hands, I pull them off, discarding them onto the floor.
Images of my childhood flood to the front of my mind, reminding me that I'll never be strong enough to fight off something like this. Reminding me that there's absolutely nothing I can do to save myself. Absolutely nothing.
Professor Chester turns me around and presses me hard against his desk as his hands roam my shaking, sweating body. And he doesn't stop. He just becomes rougher and more intrusive before he plunges inside me. In pain, I let out a whimper, tears already staining my cheeks.
"I hope I don't need to remind you again." He speaks softly into my ear, his voice a complete contrast of his actions. "No one will believe a word you say about this. So don't even think of opening your mouth."
***
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Our indelible pasts|✔
Teen FictionBOOK 1 OF THE INDELIBLE SERIES To be destroyed by the very thing you need and love the most, is painful It's the very thing put on this earth to keep you safe, yet all you want to do is to run away from it No words can explain the misery, the pain...
