Our indelible pasts|✔

fifty four - bryson

"BABE CAN I use your charger? I can't find mine." I call out to Sandra.

"Yeah sure!" She shouts over the sound of the water running in the shower.

I find her phone plugged in to her charger, and when I try to check if it's fully charged, I see something that catches my eye.

Dylan: You left your coat in my hotel room yesterday.

What the hell?

I am really hoping that the Dylan that sent this text isn't the Dylan that's Sandra's ex. This Dylan better be a girl. Dylan better be a unisex name. Because if it's not, I'm going to lose my fucking mind.

When Dylan left, all the insecurities that were boiling inside me cooled down. I didn't have to worry so much about losing Sandra. But learning that he might be back, and she went to his hotel room, without telling me...now that sends a chill right down my spine, bringing back all the insecurities from before.

It's not like I expected them to stop talking. I mean, Dylan lost his mom and his mom was important to Sandra too, so them being friends and checking up on each other was something I knew was inevitable. But with secret hotel room visits coming into the picture, I can't help but get worried. Like genuinely worried. Dylan is the best of her exes, there is everything to worry about.

"Did you find it?"

I feel a mild whiplash when I jerk my head to spot Sandra stepping out of the bathroom.

Panic sets in me, not knowing what she's talking about. "Find what?"

"My charger." She creases her eyebrows.

"Oh. Yeah I found it, thanks." I smile sheepishly.

"Should I wear a dress, or just keep it simple and wear something like jeans?" Sandra asks as she starts to rummage through her clothes.

"Anything's fine." I say quietly.

Avoiding eye contact, I pick up her sketch book and start looking through it.

"Does it look like it's cold outside?"

"No it doesn't." I say without tearing my eyes away from her sketch book.

"Babe you haven't even looked outside."

Swallowing hard, I take a look outside the window. "It's bright and blue outside today."

"Babe?" She calls, but I refuse to look at her.

"Yeah?" I answer as I analyse the design she showed me she was working on yesterday, seeing more detail on it than I did before.

"Are you okay?

"Why wouldn't I be?" I smile.

"I don't know you're just...acting a bit...weird."

"No I'm not." I say as I flip back to the first page of the now very interesting sketch book.

She lets out a defeated sigh. "If you say so."

***

Not knowing exactly how to feel about the text I saw on Sandra's phone, as an attempt to avoid any talk of it, on the way to the restaurant I made sure to turn the volume up on the car stereo really loud so we wouldn't be able to talk.

In that confined, tiny space in the car, my emotions were a mess. So I knew it was best not to speak to her in that moment because I'd most likely end up regretting it real fast.

You'd think that by the time we started eating, the food would at least calm me down. But when she gets a notification, glances at it and hurriedly puts her phone screen down almost in a panic, I am the exact opposite of calm.

"Where were you yesterday?"

Sandra's green eyes stare at me in confusion. "I had classes." She answers in a more question manner.

"And after?"

"Just went bowling with the girls. Why?"

"You didn't go anywhere else?" I keep pushing.

"We did have lunch too."

"Just you and the girls? No one else?"

"Just me and the girls." Sandra lies. Again.

"Okay." I say quietly, clearly irritated.

Before Sandra can say anything, a waiter stops at our table and asks, "Are you enjoying your meals so far?" He smiles.

"Actually, can I please get this to go?" I point at my food.

"Babe, we just got here." Sandra says, confused.

"I'm not hungry anymore." I say, avoiding eye contact again.

"Both plates or just yours?" The waiter asks, picking up on the very obvious tension.

"Both." Sandra answers, and I can hear the pain in her voice.

Looking over at her, I feel a pang of guilt, but then I remember that she just lied to me. More than once.