twenty seven - bryson

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IN A PERFECT world, in couple of weeks, I would be pouring a bucket of water on Hazel, shouting "Happy birthday!" in her face. But this isn't a perfect world. I can't do that.

4 years ago, I lost the most important person in my life. The person I was supposed to take care of for as long as I lived. But I lost her, I failed her.

Hazel turns 17 soon, wherever she is right now. She should be in the first few months of her junior year...at least I hope she is. For the past four years, I've done my best to stay positive about her situation. My hope is that she found herself a great foster home where she's happy. Maybe they've even adopted her.

I won't lie, it's hard to keep up the faith when I can't find anything on her. The frightening fact that no human services agency has any information on her from the last few years keeps me up at night. I like to tell myself that it's because she was adopted by some family that doesn't live in the country. I don't know, I have multiple scenarios in my head but no actual proof to back them up, just hope. Stupid hope.

Up till this day, it's still so hard to believe that we're no longer together. Luck was on our side for the first couple years, with foster parents not minding taking in siblings. That was until the last foster parents we shared said that two was too many after two weeks of taking us in. So they gave up on Hazel, saying girls come with a lot of expenses and complications. Our social worker had her go look for another family for her; one that I wouldn't be a part of. I tried so hard to prevent it, saying that if they didn't want Hazel, they'd have to let me go too. They had no problem with that actually, so they did let us both go. But Hazel found a home first. A home that wanted her alone, not me. And there's nothing we could do about it.

The day I watched them drive her away to her new home was the worst day of my life. I have never seen or heard from her since then.

I na perfect world, Hazel is okay. She is happy, has a great family and amazing friends. She's living her life to the fullest and I will see her again. This has to be a perfect world...because I cannot imagine a world where she is hurting.

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