Our indelible pasts|✔

forty eight - kiana

"Finally, now we can get started."

The excitement in my mom's voice makes me clench my jaw as I try my best to not to react.

Noah and I sit down together on the empty chairs between Nia and Ashley and I make sure to sit on my anger too.

As Ms Flores brings the last of the food to the table, I start to feel the insides of my palms burn and it takes quite some time to realise that I am in fact pressing my nails into my palms hard.

Noah seems to notice and grabs my arms, placing them both between his. The silent gesture warms my heart and I'm once again reminded for the hundredth time why Noah is one of my best friends.

Nia steals a glance at our contact and whispers to me, "When you're ready to ditch, let us know and we'll be right behind you."

I smile at Nia in response.

Oh how I wish I could just disappear from this nightmare, but when I look around to look at my friends, I know it would be evil of me to leave them alone in the company of my parents. My parents are far from the best company.

Halfway through the main course, we all fall into a silence, just how I wanted it. I get to enjoy Ms Flores' food in peace.

The peace is however cut short when my mom speaks. "Um...since this dinner is to commemorate my darling Kayla, why don't those of us who knew her go around telling everyone else our favourite memories about her?"

Unable to conceal my anger, I turn to my mom. "Your darling Kayla?" I know she did not just say that. The audacity that this woman has is mind boggling. I just don't understand how she can put on such a front and paint this picture that she is the perfect mom who's faced a great loss like it's okay. Because it's not okay. It is far from okay. She does not get to do that. Not her, and especially not today.

"Kiana please, don't start." I hear the stern voice of my dad warn me, but not even the fear that courses through me whenever he addresses me can overpower the anger that I get when my mom pulls this kind of bullshit.

"Your darling Kayla?" I ask again, this time a smile on my face.

When my mom looks at me, I can see it in her face that she knows she has ticked me off. But in her true fashion, she ignores me and smiles at my friends apologetically. "How about I start."

"This is just ridiculous." I mutter to myself as I pinch the bridge of my nose.

Just when I choose to keep my mouth shut in order to not make this more awkward for my friends, my dad says, "Kiana be respectful to your mother."

I'm sorry, what?

I know my dad and I aren't the best of friends but is he really going to take her side on this?

Like I said before, this is just ridiculous.

"I can't...I can't do this." I say as I get up from my chair.

I can't sit here and pretend like my mom, it's extremely disrespectful to Kayla.

"Kiki sit down." My mom calls to me and the burning sensation in my palms returns.

"Mom sit down and what?" I turn on my heels to face her, my anger at its peak. "Hear you lie about what a great mother you were? No thank you, I cannot do that. And especially not today."

"Kiana that is no way to speak to your mother." My dad warns again, and I can hear the anger in his voice, he's not trying to hide it.

I feel my knees buckle when I lock eyes with my dad. I'm about to apologise, but when I look over to my mom, I seethe in more anger than fear.

"Dad, she killed her." The moment those words leave my mouth, I feel a burning ache in my chest.

I've never said those words out loud.

"Kiana, do not throw such accusations around like that." My mom spits in anger.

"Accusations? I'm accusing you?" I scoff. "You..."I point a shaking finger at her. "You killed her. And you can throw your little dinner party to I don't know, console yourself? But this...it will never take away that truth." I find myself spewing words at my mother uncontrollably with a stammer in my voice. I let out a laugh before I continue. "You fucking killed her and that's that. And...and you shouldn't even be here right now. You should be rotting in a cell. Better yet, you should be the one who's dead."