A Little Variety

Friday.

TGIF.

Matt and I are finally going to have a date night.

"Want to get food before the movie?" I ask Matt while we are talking on the phone.
"Yeah sure. Any ideas of where to go?"

I nod vigorously as I think about this place I've been dying to go to. "There's this cute place that has noodle bowls by my apartment. You can come by there and we can walk together. Then we can head to the movie."
I can basically hear his frown over the phone, "But baaabe, I don't want to drive all the way to your place."
"But you never come here. It's only a twenty-minute drive."
"Aw, come on. Just take the train after work. We can go to Friday's by the movie theater. Plus, it's Friday. Get it?"
"Yeah, I got it." I groan. "But we went to Friday's last week. Don't you want to try something else?"
"Okay, so look for something else near here. Maybe by the train. Then I can meet you."

'I just don't understand why you can't just come here and try something new. And then we can go back to your place if you really want to.' This is something else I want to say, but don't.

Instead I go with, "Okay yeah that's fine. There's a new Tex Mex place I've been wanting to try."
"Or there's still Friday's," he says with a grin I can hear.
"Okay, we'll go to Friday's. You really seem to love that place."
"Wooo! Friday's on a Friday," he says before he hangs up the call.

Now it's my turn to roll my eyes. He's totally oblivious. And I can't believe he didn't even say goodbye before he got off the phone.

My phone pings.

Ugh, I hope it's not any unsolicited messages again. I don't want any more d*ck pics or sleazy messages.

It's him. "Hey, you got plans tonight?"

Wait. What? He's still talking to me?

"Yeah. I'm supposed to go to the movies with my boyfriend."
"Oh nice. Okay. Enjoy!"

I don't want the conversation to end just yet, so I message him back.

"Thanks, but what's up?"
"Nah, nothing. I'm bored tonight. My girl is working late, and I am flying solo. Wanted to see if you wanted to meet."

I mean I do. But I don't. I told myself this wasn't happening.

"There's this noodle place near me that I've been wanting to try. But no sweat. Maybe another time."
I sigh, "Yeah. Maybe another time."

Maybe another time. Maybe he really just needs a friend, like I need a friend. Maybe that's all this is.

I pick up my phone and call him. I need to hear his voice when I ask him the important question I want to ask.

"Hey. You're just looking for a friend to hang out with, right?" I say.
"I mean, mostly yeah. Wouldn't hurt if there was other stuff involved too, though."
I shake my head as I say, "But you have a girlfriend."
"Yeah. I do."
"Is she like okay with that then?" I think about Matt and know I would totally not be okay with him wanting to be with another girl and I feel a stab of guilt.
"You mean do we have an open relationship?"
"I guess?" Though I'm not really sure what I am asking. I like talking to this guy, but I don't want to feel like either of us are overstepping boundaries. We said we were both looking to be friends.
"No. We don't," he says shortly. "And no. She probably wouldn't be okay with me being anything more than friends with anyone."
"So then why say that...?"
"It was half a joke," he says chuckling. But then in a more serious voice, he continues, "I'm not going to sugarcoat it. My girlfriend and I are what we are. And yet, there's something missing. I do love her. But like I said, there's something missing."
"So you want your cake and to eat it too," I retort.
I can hear him smile as he says, "Who doesn't?"

He does make a valid point.

"Okay, let's meet. But just as friends."
"Okay just as friends. When do you want to meet?"
"I don't know. I've never done this. Don't have any expectations."
"Ha-ha...okay..."
I can feel my face flush, "I know. I'm confusing. It's complicated. I don't even know what I'm doing."
"Woah, slow down. I got you. We can just meet. It's cool."
"Promise?"
"Pinky swear. I wasn't lying when I said I wanted to meet new people."
"Okay, good." I sigh with relief.
"So I'll see you in an hour?" He asks suddenly.
My heart race picks up as I am shocked by what he just said. "What?"
"I'm joking. When did you want to meet?"
"Is Monday night okay?" I say in a calmer voice, with a calmer demeanor.
"Can't. Got band practice."
"You're in a band?"

Oh no. Fuck me. In a bad way and in a good way. I'm a sucker for musicians. Like, I am super attracted to them.

"Yeah. A punk band. We're not huge. But I've been playing the guitar since I was in middle school."

Oh god. Fuck me again. Guitarists are my weakness. Right after singers who play the guitar. 'Please don't be a singer too,' I think to myself.

"Do you sing too?"
"Nah. That's for losers. Kidding. My voice is pretty shitty."

Thank god, though I think his voice is actually incredibly sexy. I try to push that thought out of my head while also trying not to imagine the guy I've seen in the photos playing the guitar.

"Ah too bad. I'm a sucker for singers."
"Well, maybe I can serenade you then. ;)"

His voice as he says this is making my legs feel like jello.

Luckily, he can't see me, and I try to keep my voice balanced. "Ha-ha. Maybe."
"How about Tuesday night?" He asks.

Tuesday night. Tuesday night. Where is Matt on Tuesday's usually? Oh my god. Why am I even thinking about doing this? I shouldn't. But, I want a new friend. Someone to hang out with when Matt is busy with his friends. And I know he's got the gym that night. He won't be missing that commitment to hang out with me.

"Tuesday works. Where do you want to meet?" I answer way too quickly. But I know that if I think about it too long, I will chicken out. Maybe I should, but I really like the banter we have together.

"Do you like noodles?" He asks me.
"Only crazy people don't like noodles."
"You speak the truth. Okay, let's meet at M Noodles at 7."

That's the noodle place I wanted to go to. With Matt.

"Um, yeah that works for me. See you then."
"Looking forward to it."
"Me too," I say, even though I honestly have no idea how I am feeling at this moment.
"See you later, beautiful."
"Um, bye," is all I can muster as an answer before we hang up the phone.

Oh my god. I can't believe he just called me beautiful. I mean we haven't met. Shouldn't that be creepy? But, for some reason, it doesn't creep me out. I also can't believe I'm even considering doing this. Whatever. I still have three days to bail before it even happens. Should I bail? Do I want to? What do I want? I want Matt to want to do these things with me. That's what I want. I don't want to feel lonely anymore.