A Little Variety

Friday.

The message I had gotten was from Matt. He was apologizing for bailing. Even though I was disappointed, I was also relieved that it wasn't from the guy.

I was right, and then I guess in the same vein, he was right. We had to move on and try and work on the relationships that we had chosen. And the one that I chose was the one with Matt.

It was Friday now, and Matt and I have a date night planned. Work goes by relatively quickly and I am excited for the evening.

We are going to meet up with Pete for a couple of hours after work to shop for some more supplies for costumes, and then Matt told me that we could have some dinner and catch a movie.

We haven't been on an actual date in so long, so my insides are buzzing with happy energy as work closes up.

And that's when it happens.

My phone buzzes. Matt's calling me, so I pick it up.

"Hey Matt," I say cheerfully.
"Hey babe," he responds, but he doesn't match my mood.
"What's up?" I ask, my senses are tingling, and not in a good way.
"I, look. I'm sorry," he says in a low voice.
My heart drops to the bottom of my stomach. Maybe it's another fluke, I tell myself. But, my instincts are battling this idea.

"Um, what are you sorry about?" I ask meekly.
"Something's come up. I have to cancel tonight."

I knew it. It is taking everything in me to not fall apart completely.

"But," I begin talking, but Matt cuts me off.
His voice changes, and his new tone is angry, "Look, I said I was sorry, but something came up."

I am taken aback by this sudden switch. And I feel myself reverting back to the meek and submissive personality that I thought I had left behind.

"Um, okay."
He softens, "I'll make it up to you tomorrow. We're supposed to hang with the guys like usual, but we can do something else."

This is better, I think.

"Okay," I agree.
"Cool, thanks. Later!" he says quickly, and the line goes dead.

I am still holding the phone to my face a few minutes later, even though we have hung up. I just feel in complete shock.

This time I know for 100%, I cannot reach out to Trixie, as much as I want to. I know she'd understand, and even though she'd have some choice words, she would ultimately have my back, but it was more about how I know that she would be more upset that not only did I go back to Matt after everything, but that I had kept it from her for so long. I know that I had to tell her eventually, but my emotions are so raw, that I can't even fathom having to open up to her right now.

Without even thinking, I pick my phone up.

As it rings, I think I should hang up, but he picks up. I expect to hear a frustrated tone in his voice, but I am surprised by the lightheartedness it carries, considering how I left the last time I saw him.

"Hey!" he says in a bright tone.
"Hi," I say dejectedly.
"Hey, are you alright?" he asks with genuine concern.
"Um, no. Not really," I answer truthfully.

I am glad that he's not being cold to me. I don't know if I can handle that.

"Need a hug?" he asks, and everything inside me feels immediately lighter.
"Yeah."
"Okay, see you soon."

I smile, but then realize I am not even home.

"Wait!" I say quickly.
"What's up?" he asks.
"Um, I'm not home yet. I am still at work. Are you um...well are you free later?"

I know I am blowing it . He's probably got plans. It's Friday night after all. I start to tear as I think I'll be spending another Friday night alone.

"Yeah, I can come by later. What time?"

My heart feels lighter.

"Oh," I say with surprise. It was not the answer I was expecting.

"I leave work at 5:30PM."
"I can meet you at the train and walk you home if you want," he says kindly. And I feel butterflies in my stomach.
"Yeah, okay. That would be nice. It takes me about 40 minutes to get to the stop."
"See you at 6:10PM then."

I laugh. My mood has lightened. But at the same time, I feel like I am back at square one.

"Okay," I say and then, "Thank you. Really."
"No problem. And I'm sorry about the other day. I didn't mean to snap at you."

I was not expecting this either. Why is he apologizing?

"It's okay. I was out of line."
"Sort of yes, but I appreciate you looking out for me."
"Well thanks for picking me up today."
"It's what friends are for, right?"

His choice of words sting, but he is helping me out, so it's better than nothing.

"Right."
"Okay see you later."
"Later."