A Little Variety

Tuesday PM.

I couldn't sit still all day at work. I was incredibly anxious. I know we had met up before, but this just felt so formal. So much like a date versus just hanging out or randomly seeing each other. And now I'm at home pacing in my room. I am not sure what to do. Should I go? What if Matt asks where I am? What if someone sees us? What do I do? What do I wear? What am I doing? I feel like I am going insane. I pull my phone out of my pocket and call him.

"Hey."
"Hi."
"Can I ask you something?"
"Are you bailing on me?" I can hear the disappointment in his tone.
"I don't know. Maybe."
"It's alright. No sweat."
"Are you sure? I just...," I can't come up with a valid reason. I want to see him; I just am not sure if I should.
"It's okay. I mean I won't lie; I am completely bummed out. But I get it."
"I'm sorry."

And I really am. I don't want to bum him out. I just am so nervous. My whole body is shaky.

"It's okay. Anything else?"

He's pissed. I mean I would be too.

"Ummm, I guess not."
"Cool. If you change your mind, you know where to find me."
"Okay."
"Later."

He hangs up somewhat abruptly. He was definitely pissed. This was not like him. Wait, can I even say that? I don't even know him that well. Why should I even care? Because I do. And I'm an idiot.

I throw on a striped sweater over my printed dress and grab my bag. My whole body is still shaking.

*PING*

Matt.

"Hey, I'm sorry about last night. I miss you and can't wait to see you tomorrow. Love you."
"Love you back. Can't wait to see you. :)"

And I really couldn't wait. I was glad that he sent that message, but my mind was elsewhere, and so this news didn't cheer me up like it normally would.

I pull out my phone and I'm about to send a message, but my phone goes off. I pick it up.

"I'm sorry," he says in a sad voice.
"Woah, I was just about to text you. What for?"
"For being an ass." He sounds really apologetic.
"What do you mean?"
"I just kinda got upset that you weren't going to come because I just really wanted to see you."

This makes me smile. I want to see him too.

"Hey, don't apologize. And, don't worry. I'm on my way."
"Really?" His voice says with a rise.
"Really. Be there in five."

I smile to myself. I am really excited for this. And totally nervous. And this is so bad. And so good.

We've seen each other twice already. I really shouldn't be this nervous. But I am. I never feel like this with Matt. Maybe that's because we'd been friends before. But it's kind of nice to feel nervous. Nervous and excited.

I walk the few blocks to his apartment and ring the bell. It really is so close to mine. And this could be a lot of trouble. I see him walking towards the door before he sees me. He really is handsome. He looks up at my face as he opens the door and the smile that comes across his face makes him even more good looking.

"Hey beautiful."

I blush from my head to my toes.

"Hey," I stammer.
"I'm really glad you came."
"Me too. Honestly." I am still nervous, but being with him brings about a sense of calm, so I am not as shaky as I was when I was walking towards his apartment.

"So, what do you want to do?" he asks.
"We can go to the restaurant."
"Really?"
"Yes. I'd like to."
"Awesome. I've been meaning to try that place out, but my girl never wants to come with me."

Hearing him say 'his girl' stings a bit, but why should it matter? I have 'my man' too.

"Really? That's crazy."
"I know, right?"
"No, I mean, I've been wanting to go there too, and Matt never wants to."
"It's fate then. We were meant to go there. Together."

He smiles at me again, and my legs feel weak.

We walk to the restaurant and get seated at a table. Before I sit down, he pulls my chair out for me.

"Oh um, thanks."
"Of course."

I smile weakly. This is really nice. It feels like a real date. Except I'm not here with my real boyfriend.

He looks at me concern filling his eyes.

"Hey, you okay?"
"Yeah, um, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be emotional at all. It's just you're being really sweet. And it just feels weird because you're not my boyfriend. And Matt just...well he just doesn't do stuff like this."
"Like what? Take you out?"

He says it so simply, it makes me cry.

"Yeah, actually," I sniffle out.
"Hey, I'm not trying to be mean or anything here. But you deserve better."
"He is better."
"Than?"
"Everyone else I've ever been with."

He laughs.

"Until you that is."

He becomes serious.

"Stop it. I mean it. You deserve better."
"I guess. Anyway," I say as I wipe the tears from my eyes. "Can we not talk about our other halves and just enjoy this time together?"
"Definitely."

Our 'date' is great. We order some drinks and two entrees that we share. It really is like being out on a real date as a real couple. Everything seems perfect. We've been talking for a couple of hours now and I just feel so comfortable.

The waitress comes over with the check, and before I can even grab my wallet, he's already handing it back to her with his credit card.

"Um...," I start, but he stops me.
"It's on me."
"Really?" I ask. I'm not used to someone paying the bill, other than me. And definitely not used to someone who I'm not dating paying the bill at all.
"Definitely." He smiles again.