We decide to order some pizza; Matt's choice, obviously, and watch some show he got into and thought I'd like.
I think back to the times I spent eating takeout and watching TV with the guy. I remember thinking that this is what I wanted from Matt, and here I am doing it. But, it still feels so different. I can't quite put my finger on it.
Matt goes to use the bathroom, and I take this time to check my phone. I have a message from Trixie and from the guy. Trixie's message just lets me know she had an awesome and fantabulous time, and that she's so happy I am on the road to moving on. I feel a pang of guilt when I read it, knowing full well that Matt is currently in my apartment, and we are very much on the verge of getting back together, if we aren't already. I close her message without responding, afraid of what my fingers will subconsciously write.
Then, I look at his message. It's just a simple, yet sweet thing, and I feel a different pang of guilt. Knowing that I spent the weekend secretly loathing him, becoming more and more jealous of his girlfriend, and now currently spending the rest of my weekend with my boyfriend. I know it's catty, and he hasn't done anything wrong, but I just feel so upset. I think it all comes back to what Trixie and I had talked about: that he was with me, but ultimately he was with his girlfriend.
"Sorry, my boyfriend came over, so I am spending some time with him." I had originally written ex, since he knew that we broke up, but the spiteful side of myself decided to take the lower road.
My phone buzzes in my hand with a simple, "Ok" as a response.
I decide that maybe I took the wrong break, and it was really him that I should cut ties with. I missed Matt, my boyfriend. And I was just clinging on to him as a safety net. That's all.
Matt comes back before I can send the final message I think about sending to the guy. Something along the lines of a breakup and wanting to move forward with Matt. Maybe this time I will actually mean it. It seems like things are looking up with Matt.
I put it in the back of my head to send the message later, once I can put all my thoughts together in a concise and final way.
YOU ARE READING
A Little Variety
RomanceI was bored. No that's a lie. I wasn't bored. I was just me. And I was lonely. And it wasn't supposed to mean anything. It really wasn't. But we found each other when we were both lost. A love story that wasn't meant to happen.
