A Little Variety

Saturday (Afternoon).

Before the bus pulls up to the stop, I my phone rings. I look at the screen, and it's him calling me. I pick it up, as I swipe my card in the reader and take a seat in the back of the bus.

"Good Afternoon," he says graciously.
"Hey," I say in a curt tone. I am not particularly in the mood to talk, so I don't even know why I answered. But, I do like talking to him.
"Hi?" He says as a question.
"What's up?"
"Not into talking?"
"I don't know. I'm having a bad day." I lay my head against the headrest on the bus and close my eyes as we continue to talk on the phone.
"It's only 12:30."
"I know."
"What happened?"
"My boyfriend just blew me off again." I can feel the tears prick at the corners of my eyes as I say this.

It's definitely in times like this that I think we maybe Matt and I aren't that great of a couple. But then when we are together, it's like it used to be, when we were friends, and I have so much fun, I lose the edge to actually say something. And then when we argue, he always makes me feel like it's my fault; that I'm the problem.

"For the gym?"
"No for his friends."
"Why don't you go to hang out with them then?"

I think to myself. I have asked Matt to hang out with him and his friends, but he says that I won't enjoy it, or I won't have fun. It's just guy stuff. Excuses like that.

"It's private. Or something. I don't know. It's kinda just like girls aren't allowed." It sounds stupider when I say it out loud.

"Why. What are they doing?"
"Building costumes."
"Okay, so why can't you be there?"
"I don't know. And honestly, I don't want to be. But, I just wanted to spend the day with him."
"Like I said, idiot. Or maybe there's something else."
"What do you mean?" I feel my face get warm.
"Well, he's just spending a lot of time with his friends," he says and stresses the last word, as if he's doing air quotes around it.
"Do you think he's cheating on me?"
"Maybe so."
"No, he's not the type."
"What about you? Are you the type?"
"No."
"You sure?"
"...No," I say uncertainly.

I never would consider myself a cheater. I had never cheated on anyone. And I never really suspected people of cheating on their significant others. But, I know that I really liked talking to this guy. And the way I sometimes felt, made me feel like I was cheating. Still though, I hadn't done anything yet. It was still just talking to a friend. A friend I really needed right now.

"Ha-ha. What are you going to do then?"
"I have no freaking clue. We were supposed to spend the day together and then go to his friend's house tonight."
"Are you still going?"
"I don't know. I don't want to, but I want to see him. I'm pitiful, aren't I?"
"Nah, I get it."
"Really? Or are you being nice."
"Both."
"Thanks for being honest."
"Well, I know it's not Tuesday, but since you don't have plans. What do you say? Wanna grab a coffee? I know a good spot. And we can do a crossword. It's Saturday, so it's not as hard as Sunday's would be."

I know it's petty. But I'm just so upset. And I really wanted to do something other than sit at home. I had kind of embellished the things to do at home part when I was talking to Matt. I just didn't want to sit in his apartment alone. So, I figured, why not try this, and actually meet. Maybe we'd just become real life friends.

"Okay. Sure."
"Really?"
"Yes. Don't ask me again though. Otherwise, I'll change my mind."

And I didn't want to. Not right now.

Once we end the conversation, I get a message. It's the address of the coffee shop and it's only two blocks from my apartment.

I can't believe I am doing this. But I also feel a little excited.

"I'll meet you at 2:00PM."
"Perfect."