A Little Variety

Saturday AM.

When Matt leaves in the morning, I can't seem to fall back asleep. I groan to myself.

'This is not what I signed up for,' I say to no one.

These are the times that are the hardest for me. The in-betweens. And I have nowhere to go right now. And nothing to do. It's around noon and Matt still isn't back, so I shoot him a message.

"Hey, are you coming back soon? I'm getting hungry."

It takes about twenty minutes for a response. Not too long, but also a little too long.

"Nah, sorry babe. We got a lot to do. I probably won't be home til about 4:00."
"4:00 in the afternoon?"

I know it's a stupid question, but we were supposed to spend the day together. At least that's what I thought we decided.

"Obviously yes. I told you that I was going to be here all day. We need to get real serious since the con is in a couple months."

A couple of months? I wonder if I will only see him here and there for a couple of months. I think back to when we were friends. We used to hang out all of the time. But now that we are dating, I rarely see him. I don't know how or why things have changed so drastically.

"What should I do in your apartment until you get back?"
"I don't know. Maybe watch TV or something. Order some food. Hang out. I'll be home before we have to head to the guys' house."

This is so not how today was supposed to go. I call Matt, but he doesn't pick up the first time. I call him a couple more times and then he finally picks up.

"What?" he says shortly. "I told you we're busy."
"I'm just gonna head home. I have some things to do there. I don't think I'll come out tonight though. Unless you want to pick me up."
"Aw come on," he complains.
"You said we'd have the day together and now you're bailing on me. I could have just gone home last night."
"I never said that. I said that I was going to spend the day with the guys. Plus, if you went home, we wouldn't have, ya know? And if you go home now, you'll be alone tonight."

I feel like I am always alone, so I honestly don't see how it would be any different.

"True, but I'm alone now, and I have stuff I can do at home."
"Fine. But, I don't think I'll have time to pick you up later. Can you take the train to Pete's house?"
"Matt!" I yell into the phone.
"What?" He snaps back.
"If you can't come get me, I don't really want to go tonight." Why did it always seem like I was whining? I just didn't want to take an hour train ride to something I didn't really want to do anyway.

"But you said you'd come," he says to me.
"And you said you'd be home with me," I respond curtly.
"I never said that," he responds just as short back.

I swear I remember he did, but maybe I just wanted that? This was turning into a fight. Again.

He puts on a stern argumentative voice, "I have to do this."
"You don't have to," I say timidly.
"I do," he says with finality.

At this point I am too tired to argue anymore.

"Fine. Whatever."
"Fine," he repeats and hangs up again without saying goodbye.

I get out of bed and find my clothes. As tears fall down my face, I change quickly. Then, I grab my stuff and leave his place and run to the corner of his street to wait for the bus.