Falling Unexpectedly [Completed]

18: Confused Feelings

Lost On You by Lewis Capaldi^

"This is nice." Dad smiles as we were sitting at a table in a restuarant. I was sitting across from them as they were sitting together on the other side.

Their hands were intertwined on the table as dad was talking to her, pointing at something and Blake would smile as she was looking at whatever he was pointing at.

I kept looking at them then looking away.

This is stupid.

This is literally stupid on how I'm thinking about Blake.

All this shit I feel inside my chest every time I look at Blake now was stupid. I wasn't even sure what to do anymore cause if I continue acting like an idiot then they're going to notice something and I don't know what I'll say.

I'm going to make an idiot out of myself.

"We need to come out more often." Blake said as she was looking at dad.

I saw dad nod before smiling at her. "A date night would be nice."

I saw Blake's eyes light up and I felt this pull at my heart. I felt so stupid right now at how I'm feeling towards her that I wish I could beat myself up over this shit.

Why her?

Why did it have to be her?

After all these years of not liking her, we start hanging out more then I have some type of feelings towards her?

We all continued to sit there and wait for our order to come to us. I had my drink in my hand and I took a sip before looking around the restuarant and kept my eyes off of them.

"How many more months until your graduate?"

I look over at dad as he was looking at me. "Um, like three months now.. or less."

"That's good. College afterwards?"

"Yes."

Blake was smiling at us and I looked at her before looking away. I heard them start talking and I looked around before seeing the waiter come with our food.

We all ate and I listened to their conversation mostly but I was pushing my food around. I wasn't hungry and I just wanted to go home.

I think I'll stay with Connor this weekend.

I needed to get my mind off of this.

This is going to end up murdering me if I continue thinking about it.

"There's nothing special about her. She's my dad's girlfriend." I kept telling myself that night as I was laying in bed, telling myself over and over again until I fell asleep.

I went to bed that night without talking to anyone. I went upstairs, shut the door and was left alone.

I wanted this to be nothing but a dream.

-

The next morning I had work.

When I woke up, I was fine and got in the shower, brushed my teeth and got dressed. I was in a good mood but the moment I walked downstairs and saw Blake in the kitchen..

My good mood was out the window.

I thought it was just a one time thing and overnight I would be better.

But I was wrong.

I went in work and acted like I was fine but sleep wasn't my friend last night. I remember tossing and turning, thinking about Blake and it was driving me fucking crazy.

The day went by so slow that I was going insane. I wanted it to be over but at the same time, I wanted it to last forever.

It keeps my mind busy.

As I was working, I stopped thinking about Blake and focused on making money. I smiled at the customers that came in and helped everyone I could as I was enjoying myself.

My mind was on the paycheck at the end of the day.

When the day ended, I drove home and jammed out to music. I was keeping my mind occupied and driving around the neighborhood a few times before actually driving home.

I didn't want to go home.

When I got home, nobody was home and that made me happy. I went inside, grabbed some snacks before making my way upstairs.

After tossing everything on the bed, I went to my guitar and grabbed it. I sat on the bed and started playing some chords cause this song was constantly on my mind today.

As I was playing, I hummed a little as I closed my eyes and let the music take me far away as I thought about my mom and smiled.

"Everyday I'm a slave to the heartache. And you're wasting away every night. I don't wanna leave you lonely but I've run out of love this time. You know that I adore you, though I couldn't give enough. Hope you'll be safe in the arms of another cause I can't take the weight of your love."

I let my fingers strum the chords and I smiled as I stopped singing before opening my eyes.

I stared at the wall for a moment as I kept playing and thinking then sighing as I look down at the guitar.

"Reagan?"

Looking over, I saw Blake standing there. I stared at her before pulling the guitar straps off my shoulders then seeing her walk in further.

"Everything ok?"

I nodded as I look down at the guitar. I didn't want to look at her before standing up and putting the guitar away.

Blake was watching me the whole time and I grabbed the snacks from my bed and walked past her, out of the room.

I heard her calling me but I ignored her as I walked down the stairs and out the front door. I saw dad unloading something from his truck as I walked to the garage and got into my car.

After I started it, I backed up and heard them yelling at me as Blake came out of the house and dad was looking over at me but I ignored them and left without looking back.

As I was driving, I gripped the steering wheel tightly as I screamed as loud as I could then repeatedly hit the steering wheel as hard as I could.

When I pulled down a road, I pulled over and turned the car off as I stared out the window for a moment before leaning my head back against the seat.

Looking around, I saw the small urn hanging from the rearview mirror. I reached over and touched it before shaking my head. "What should I do, mom? Why must I have these feelings towards Blake? She's dad's girlfriend. She's in love with him. Why?"

Sighing, I really thought this was stupid. I laughed at myself that night I found out that I liked her a little and I'm still laughing at myself cause I'm an idiot.

"It's not real feelings." I said. "Just.. we've been bonding a lot and I enjoy her company to where I like her as a person and my dad's girlfriend. I'm just confusing these feelings with something that's not there." I laughed then stared up at my roof.

Sitting up, I look around for a moment before pulling my phone out of my pocket and texting Connor. I told him that I needed to come over and clear my head for a while.

I know for a fact that I will not be telling him about these feelings cause they're not real. I knew that this was going to blow over in no time and I will laugh my ass off afterwards.