LOVE AND MISERY

CHAPTER 1

My hand gripped the steering wheel and my tears are nonstop, I tried to wipe it using the back of my knuckle but my tears wont stop. I cant believe how I stand seeing my own fiancee hugging and caressing the face of another girl. I wanted to get out and shout at them, I want to let them know that ive been following them for hours now. Gusto kong ipaalam sa kanila kung gaano kasakit ang makitang niloloko ka ng taong pinagkatiwalaan mo, gusto kong magsisi kung bakit ko siya sinundan, gusto kong magalit sa sarili ko dahil dapat hinayaan ko nalang ang pagdududa ko pero hanggang kelan? Hanggang kelan ako magpapakatanga sa kanya? Alam ba ng babaeng to na malapit ng ikasal ang lalaking kaharap niya ngayon? Alam ba niya na may pusong nasasaktan sa ginagawa nila ngayon? Alam ba niya na nakikihati siya sa pagmamahal na dapat para sakin lang? I sob and I dont think I could go on watching their intimate moment right now. I took my phone out of my bag and my hands are shaking and I have no idea what im doing but I ended up calling my mom.

'M-ma?' Nanginig ang boses ko pero pinilit kong makapagsalita ng maayos.

'Sapphire? Whats wrong?' My mom sounded so worried at mas lalo lang lumala ang sakit na nararamdaman ko, minalas ba kami ng mommy ko sa pag-ibig? Anak ako ni mommy sa ikatlo niyang asawa pero tulad ng unang dalawang asawa niya, iniwan din siya ng ama ko. Second family kami, and it hurts but yes, my mom was my father's mistress, at first hindi alam ni mommy na kabit siya pero kinalaunan ay tinanggap niya at nanatili kaming pangalawang pamilya ng sampung taon pero di rin nagtagal dahil nagpasya ang legal na asawa ng daddy ko na magmigrate sa Canada upon realizing my father's disgracing affair to my mom and he just decided to leave us.

'H-how do you unlove someone?' It was a stupid question but for now, the least I can do for myself is to hear solicited advice from my own flesh.

'You dont hija, there's no way you can unlove someone who has been a part of your life for so long.' My mom paused for awhile and I heard a steady sigh 'come home, ill make you your favorite soup'

'Sinumpa ba tayo ng asawa ng gago kong ama?' I could help but cuss.

'Your language lady, he's still your father no matter how stupid he can be. Now come home and tell me the whole story' my mom will protect that man no matter how painful that man brought to her.

'I cant leave without him' i uttered and I broke down, felt alone and shattered.

'Huminga ka, stupida! Ive been there Sapphire at alam ko kung gaano kahirap, wag ka ng dumagdag sa mga tanga sa mundo dahil kotang kota na ako at kawalan na ng hustisya kung makikita ko ang pangalan ng anak ko sa listahan ng mga tanga' my mom said and I took a deep breath before I start the engine of my car.

'Ill just pack my things mom' I ended the call and took a final glance to them, hinatid niya ang babae sa kotse nito bago bumalik sa sarili niyang sasakyan. Hinayaan kong mauna ang kotse niya ng kalahating oras bago ako nagsimulang baybayin ang daan pabalik so condo unit namin.

It took almost 2 hours bago ako makarating sa condo and I checked if his car was on the parking lot and i couldnt hold my tears knowing that he's back. My hands are shaking as I press the 10th button in the elevator and took a deep breath as the elevator door delivered me to our condo floor.

'Kumalma ka Sapphire, you'll get through this.' I whispered a silent prayer before I press the password on our door and I tried really hard to hold back my tears as the door opened. Natigilan ako ng bumungad sakin ang pamilyar na kanta, di ko na mapigilang maluha, ang hirap, ang hirap hirap magpanggap na matapang kahit sobrang nasasaktan ka na.

I wish I could just make you turn around, turn around and see me cry, there's so much i need to say to you, so many reasons why....

So take a look at me now, there's just an empty space- I push the stop button on the ipod and silence took over the whole room.