Young, Gay, Love

Chapter 6: Family Cries

As I drifted off to an uneasy sleep I began to think of time I came out to my parents. It was not the most pleasant experience, but it was better than most. I remember sitting at the dinner table. It was the day before Thanksgiving, during my freshman year in high school, and my Mom was talking to my brother how amazing it was that he reconnected with our friends since we were babies. Their names were Mason and Joy who were also South Korean. In fact they were also adopted and that was how we met. When Shane and I were two they were one. The four of us were sitting by a pool and their mother made Joy kiss me and then she kissed Shane. The punch line is Joy and Shane are together now and well my mother decided to get on the topic of a double wedding. I was so angered by this topic and how she always revisits that subject that I screamed I'M GAY at the top of my lungs while hitting the dinner table. In shock my parents both slowly turned their heads and said words like what, how do you know, and where is this coming from.

"I'm gay mom." I said, "And there is nothing you can change about that. As beautiful Mason is I am not going to date her."

"Are you sure you know this? It could just be a phase?" My mom was so shocked she was grabbing at anything she could try with words. I could tell her world was coming to an end.

"Honey, please stop. You knew he was gay from the time he could start walking." My dad interjected. "Just stop."

"BUT HE'S NOT GAY." My mom screamed. "HE'S NOT SO STOP SAYING HE IS." By now tears are rolling down her rosy cheeks.

"I think you need to go to the bedroom." My dad said.

"NO. I will NOT let this happen because there is no way my son is gay. God would not do this to me. He is straight end of story." She was shaking. By now I regretted saying anything. My big mouth always did this. My words always creating wars and making things they shouldn't.

"Marie. Go to the bedroom. Now." My dad ordered. He was about to lose it I could tell.

I stood up about to exit this extremely awkward scene that I created.

"Sam. Sit down." My dad just ruined my escape plan.

"Fuck this shit I'm out." My brother said.

"Shane!" I exclaimed!

"No, fuck you. Everything was perfect til you decided to be the bitch you are. Always making everything about you, no fuck you, you are not my brother and don't expect me to take you back. You are no brother of mine if you like sucking dude's off." And that was that. He left the room and slammed his door. Shortly after that heartbreaking scene you could hear his heavy metal blasting from his room.

My dad stood up and approached his door and knocked.

"Fuck you and get the fuck away from my door." My brother screamed.

"No, you will turn your music down." My dad answered calmly.

"You think I'm gonna listen to you? You are terrible parent and I don't want you talking to me til you get that thing out of this house." My brother retaliated.

"He's not a thing, he's your brother. Treat him with respect." My dad had this death like composure that made my skin crawl. "Now come out of your room and join us at the dinner table.

All this commotion has left my mother wailing and shaking at the dinner table. A single tear fell from my eye and the one thing that crossed my mind was the phrase 'what.have.I.done.'

My brother's door flew open with this demonic look on his face. "Get the fuck away from my door and if you think for a second you can order me around. Go to hell." And with that final phrase he slammed his door.

Or tried too.

My father's hand instantly caught the door and his other hand grabbed my brother's shoulder.

"You will not disrespect me in my house. And you will not use such vile language towards your father. If you think for a second you can talk to anyone like that then get out of my house and come back with an attitude check." My father said that with such a sense of pure smoothness you could hear a pin drop.

"Fuck. You. And fuck this family. I am no longer a member of this freak circus." Shane grabbed his jacket and left the house.

"John you didn't have to do that. Please John make Shane come back. We can work this out." My mother was on the floor pleading, crying, writhing in pain. I just wanted to hug her, but I couldn't. I couldn't move.

"Marie please go to the bedroom. We will talk as soon as I talk to Sam." My father was helping her up and helped her to the room. Her begging and bawling was so unbearable I just buried my face in my hands. How could my sexuality do this to the people that I called family? How could God make me into such a monster that made my mother beg God to end her life and my blood brother disown me as his own?

"Sam," my father was touching my shoulder, "Sam! Pull it together we need to have a talk."

"No dad you stop," I said, "Don't you see what I've done? We were a perfect family til I exploded. What have I done?"

"You put your mother in her place. We both knew you were gay at a very young age. Everyone knew it." My father explained.

"But how?" I was in shock. If everyone knew I was gay then why didn't they tell me? More or less why didn't my parents make me aware of the gay community out there?

"We were trying to protect you." My father said.

"Protect me? PROTECT ME." Now I was mad. "Protect me from what?"

"From becoming something God didn't intend you to be." My father was grasping at straws. He was scared and I could see it.

"Dad, you were trying to hide me from who I am. That isn't protecting me. That's trying to make me into someone I'm not." Tears from streaming from my eyes, I felt like I was bleeding internally. That's how much I was hurting.

"True. You have made a very good point, but we raised you to be strong in the Lord and by doing that you are staying true to yourself no matter the odds. The world we made for you, you defied that, and now you are speaking out. Don't you see the strength you have? Even though the world is falling down you are still here. Here with me and I am hoping you will help me understand this 'gay thing'. But know this at the end of the day I love you. I'd love you if you said a cat was growing out of your head and that your feet were turning into chickens. Why? Because you are my son, even though you aren't my blood son, you are still my son." His face was wet with tears and it looked like he's been shot ten times. He may be human, but he's my super hero.

"I love you dad." I said while my eyes just cried.

"I love you Sam and I always will." My dad said. I hugged him tightly because now his body was shaking uncontrollably.

As we embraced I slipped off into my dreams. No matter what happened after that I knew everything was going to be okay. My brother will come back because he needs his CDs. My mom will learn to love her gay son, because Shane and I were her only children. Love works in mysterious ways and standing by the people you call family is what sets us apart from friends and true love. Because no matter what family is family. And no matter how annoying they are you are stuck with them. Learn to love and love those around you because miracles happen when you become selfless.

With that final thought the black closed in and I lost consciousness.