Remember if you don’t have an answer to a question, answer with a question. Why? Because it keeps the conversation sparkling and there is never a dull moment.
However, I didn’t remember that tactic. And I think I lost him. The sparkling laughter, the way his teeth glimmered in the light. The way I knew we were meant to rule the world with just an entrance into a gala. Everyone wanted to be me. I wanted to be me. But I couldn’t.
I woke up from a terrible dream in the hospital. Rob and I were running away from the paparazzi again. Why they couldn’t leave us alone I don’t know. But I knew that this will eventually have to end.
Rob was gently snoring on a spare bed they brought into the hospital room and I was still hooked into IV’s for some unknown reason.
“What was my dream? Why was I so disturbed?”
These questions kept pestering my mind like a scab that seemed long overdue on my fragile skin.
“Why do I keep turning back to these memories I’m having?”
I felt like a fish out of water. Everything felt fake and like I’m living in a role I’m not meant to play.
My head flopped back down on the downy, feathered, pillow and I began to ponder.
Whatever happened to my music? The melody seamlessly out of key, but here’s the ground. Floating on air, I’m no superman. I’m a music man.
I don’t know. Nothing feels right, but it feels alright. I’m good. No great. I should be happy, but I’m not.
What’s stopping me from being better than okay? Rob has an amazing bod, yeah daddy issues, but he’ll fix those, right? I want to have a family someday. He’ll understand.
On top of that we’ll be financially supported, more than enough. I’ll be able to make a record and we can live forever on a sunset coast. We’ll be happy.
I’ll be happy.
“Ehhh… whaa??” Rob began to fidget and he sat up.
“Go to sleep babe. It’s just a dream.” I said soothingly.
“Okay. I love you.” And with that he fell back into his deep slumber.
He was so cute when he did that. His gentle breathing, the way his muscular chest rose and fell. He was my man child, my Baby I.
I turned over and felt the gentle tugging of the IV. Ugh, so creepy and gross. Damn needles, hate them.
My eyes closed and I dreamed of being at Silver Lake, the sand dunes. Below them I felt like an ant trying to get to the top. Climbing them the sand burned my feet and it whipped at my eyes; but when I reached the top. At the top I could see for miles. And when the sun set I the water turned turquoise and the sky was like the colors of Sherbert ice cream mixed into one. So sweet, so safe. Nothing could touch me. No one could judge me, or call me names. I wasn’t the Asian guy who could possibly have a small dick. I wasn’t the girly boy who would be crushed playing sports. I wasn’t the guy who could sing like no other. Everyone on top of the sand dunes were equal. Money didn’t get you there. You did. And that’s all that mattered.
Free to be me as far as the eye can see. Dream with me and remember you are never irreplaceable. You will never be Superman, but you can be my music man. Sing with me a cotton candy melody.
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Young, Gay, Love
Teen Fiction'Young, Gay, Love' is a book about a teenage gay named Sam trying to understand how the world works. Growing up as a sheltered home-schooler he learns what the term gay is and that thinking boys are attractive has a lot more strings attached than he...
