Young, Gay, Love

Chapter 45: Hurt

I don't know what to feel.
I don't know what to do.


These were the two ominous statements running through my head.


Numb.
Hurt.
Lost.


I couldn't let go of what just happened.
I have never felt so betrayed.
Why? Why would he want to hurt me? I thought he actually liked me, but-
I was wrong.
I am always wrong.
I trust easily and look where it got me.
It got me ra-


My thoughts just stopped. I couldn't think the word, or even say it. Just even picturing it made my skin crawl, eyes fog, and body shake.
I wanted to kill him, but I felt to weak.
Should I tell someone?
Someone other than my friends Kelsey and Annie?


Speaking of which you are probably a little foggy on what happened.
Kelsey and Annie helped me after I came stumbling back onto the campus. I couldn't go home and I couldn't let anyone at my house see the blood. I was naked due to the fact he burned my clothes for some sadistic reason so all I had was a blanket covering my body.
When they got me into a shower all they saw was. blood and bruises. Right now I'm wearing Kelsey's scarf because there are bruise marks where he was choking me.
I walked three miles. Those three miles felt like an eternity and I was so ashamed I couldn't even cry. Or have time to feel.


I still don't feel anything.
But my body does.
The amount of pain coursing through my body is overwhelming.
I just told my parents I'm staying with a friend because there is an Olympics thing going on at the college, but what I'm doing is hiding out in a dorm room.


What did I do to deserve this?
I probably angered him.


They kept saying it wasn't my fault, but it sure feels like it.


*ring ring ring*


My iPhone was going off, but I let it go to voicemail. I couldn't talk to anyone. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I was scared of what I'll say. But mostly I was scared of what they'll ask.


His smile. His eyes. His arms...
His body. His lips. His teeth....
His thrusting. My crying. He won't stop.
HE wouldn't stop.


I closed my eyes trying to get it out of my head, but it kept getting more vivid. The blood going down the drain. The bruises on my thighs where he gripped me. The cut marks on neck where the metal on the walls must have got me when he threw me from area of the bed to the next.


I look at my hands and they were soaked with tears.
I was crying.
I'm feeling something.
I just continued to cry.


"Hey..."


There was a knock at the door and someone entered.
It was Annie and Kelsey.


"Are you alright?" Annie asked.
They both sat on either side of me.
Kelsey hugged me as my entire body shuddered and convulsed.
"It's gonna be okay." Kelsey kept saying and all I could hear was there quiet sobbing.
I'm sure they have their own demons now after they saw the damage to my body.


-Flashback-


"You really need to see a doctor." Annie said quietly after I got out of the shower and fell to the floor.
They didn't know how much it hurt to walk. After all I freckled three miles without shoes.
"You need to call the police." Kelsey said angrily.
I shook my head.
"Annie! Help me out here!!"
"It's his decision." She said flatly.
I just curled up into the fetal decision.
"Sam..." Kelsey's eyes were watering up.
"This monster needs to go to jail."
I just shook my head. I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. I tried to talk, but I felt like The Little Mermaid.
Nothing could come out.
Ursula stole my voice.
"That's it. I'm calling the police. This is wrong. Very wrong." Kelsey had her phone out and was dialing 911, but in a flash her phone was in the toilet.
"What the hell Annie!"
"Listen. If Sam doesn't want the police called then don't do it. He needs to fix this on his own."
"What is wrong with you!! I'm trying to help. This IS the right thing to do." Kelsey was bawling now and so was I. Silently.
"We can't do anything for Sam. If he won't talk that isn't gonna help none. He needs to sleep."
They both lifted me up. And set me up on the couch.
"Let him sleep." We will figure this out tomorrow." Annie said.
And then I black out


- End -


"Do you need someone to talk too?" Kelsey asked lifting my head up.
I shook my head.
"Holy shit dude." Annie was waving my phone in my face.
I got this really puzzled expression on my face.
"The academics office has been trying to get ahold of you. They called 10 times. Bro. You are in some serious shit." Annie's face was so serious.


And I was shitting bricks.


....................


Few hours later I found myself in the academic office. I was wearing a used pair of jeans and baggy hoodie because I was in no state to try to get pretty. Especially since I felt ugly and taken advantage of.


"Samuel." An older lady called my name.
I raised my hand. I couldn't muster a real word. My throat was all choked up and hurting from my screaming when I sleep.
"Right this way." The lady guided me down a hallway into a nice padded office.
I say padded because everything was leather and shiny. Must have cost a couple thousand to decorate this place.
"Hello Theodore, take a seat." A fashionably dressed lady said to me. 

"Hello." I replied shortly. My sounded like nailheads banging around in an empty coffee can.

"Do you know why you are here?" She asked, lips pursed.

"No." I replied again.

"You are here because your academic reputation is at stake." She had such an indignant air about here that I wanted to just slap her. 

She has no idea what just happened and here I am hurting. Can't she see?

"Do you understand what I mean by academic reputation?" She was drilling deep. Apparently I did something to strike a nerve.

"You missed classes for a week. AND!" She held her pointer finger up. "You are slutting yourself around campus."

HOLD UP.

"What?" My body just got jolted with emotion. Now I'm pissed.

"We've received notice from an anonymous tip that you've been selling yourself for sexual intercourse to make money to continue to attend classes, that you don't already attend."

Her mouth was moving, I could hear her, but I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"No... Nononononono..." I started saying.

"NO. STOP." None of that is true.

My voice was so raspy I couldn't even recognize if it was human.

"I was ra-... I was.." I tried to muster it out.

I stood and tried to show her the bruises, but she was calling security.

"I don't want to know what was happening. But we can not have a prostitute on our campus. The news team will eat that up. Either way since you missed class for a week, you are already considered failing. You will get a some money back, but we will be using your money for the repercussions of your actions; whatevers left you will receive in the form of check."

I was being escorted out in shock.

I'm a slut.

I'm a failure.

But most of all....

I'm hurt.