I walked out of my room and down the hallway to find the warm, summer, sunlight streaming in the multiple windows surrounding the kitchen and living room.
Francesca our chihuahua was sunbathing in a huge beam til she saw me. She stretched her lil legs and bounced her way over to me as I sat in my place at the big, oak, dinner table.
"Sam could you please set up a place for the roast on the table." My Mom asked.
"Yes, mother I will." I answered and did as I was told.
Honestly, I am so sick of doing all this shit for my parents, but I am an obedient son and this was how I was raised. I continued to do so and looked for things to do to stay busy. I didn't want to anger my parents.
"Where is Shane?" My Dad asked me as he was pouring himself a glass of milk.
"He left to be with Joy for the evening." I replied as I sat down at my place setting.
"That's why there is only three place settings." My mother observed. "Well, I was hoping for a family dinner tonight, but I guess we won't have again."
"We will tomorrow night. I will see to Shane staying instead of leaving." My Dad said. "Now let's pray."
We all held hands and as my father said the evening prayer I kept thinking about Alex. I wanted to know if he really meant what he said. I wanted to know for sure if he actually wanted to make things work. And I was also thinking about the band. Are my dreams going to come true? Will I finally be the star I long to be?
I began to daydream of being center stage on an complete black set with a spotlight only on me. The crowd would roar as I took my place by the lone black microphone waiting for the presence of my lips to touch it. As I start to take my initial breath and start to sing the crowd would go silent and then my solo would start. And the lights will begin to flash and as the song reaches its climax the floodlights will be so hot and bright I would feel my forehead being to perspire and-
"... Amen." My father ended the prayer and began to pass the mashed potatoes around the table.
"So did you get a job yet?" My Mom asked me.
"No, I did not mother. Did you hear back from the doctor's about my tonsillectomy?" I asked politely.
"Yes, and it should be in September." She replied.
That will be in two months. I thought to myself. Great.
"Best to get it done and I think that will help your voice. Not wreck it." My Dad said with a smile trying to ease my thoughts.
"True, Dad. Very true but I still worry." I said.
"Well, don't worry. God has given you a gift and he wouldn't take it away. The proof is all around you." My Mom said referring to the trophies on top of the piano.
"Are you going to play us some after dinner music when you finish eating?" My Dad asked. "Did you tell your mother the good news yet?"
"No, he hasn't. What news?" My Mom asked with her eyes bulging out of her skull in that exaggerated tone she always does when she hasn't been informed on something going on in the family.
"I am starting a band with my brother and friend Eric. I am the lead singer. No big deal." I said shrugging it off.
"That's great news! But I would still get a day job." She said.
My mother hasn't always been the most supportive of my dream as a singer, but she has been enough to drive me around to my competitions and attend my choir concerts when they fit in her schedule. Unlike her friends who come to all of them.
"I will continue to look." And with that I pushed my food away and made it to the piano. "This is something I've been working on. I hope you like it."
I looked down at the worn ivory and black oak keys of the piano and started to play. I closed my eyes and let the sound flow through me til I felt a light, a sound that needed to be released and heard. I open my mouth and let the lyrics flow through me. And this is what came to be...
"Open my eyes to only see black
Maybe a few faces but a few at that
How can I know if this is where I belong?
All I wanted was my voice to be heard
Be a star and put the stage first
But now I have a love and my dreams are put on the shelf
Maybe now I can see
A dream is more than it should be
Tell me how?
How can I be heard?
If I'm living at my worst
Nobody wants a loser to be a leader
Among the best
I will never rest
Til I will shine through
The millions who long to live
On a black stage with their heart of their chest"
The final chord just echoed through the piano and around the now bright living room. The sun was shining so bright I felt like I was on a stage.
My Dad looked at me and smiled.
"Beautiful." He said.
"Very nice." My Mom echoed. "Help me put the food away and do the dishes and you will be excused."
"Alright." I said and went to go get my headphones.
..............................................
Few hours later I was finished with the dishes and now I was sitting on my bed, writing lyrics, with my window open. The sun was setting and I loved the view and the night sounds. The crickets, birds, and other various creatures speaking to each other as the light grew weaker, they grew louder. Surprisingly, these sounds made me feel less lonely out here in this country paradise.
-brrrrring-
My text tone went off.
I looked to find it was Alex.
The text said...
"I don't want to disappoint you, but last night was a mistake. I still have feelings for my exe and as amazing as you are I don't want to put you through the heart ache. I think you are an amazing guy who will find someone better than me. You are better than you give yourself credit, but you and I are not meant to be. I am so sorry for leading you on. Just please. Don't talk to me til you are over me. I'm sorry."
A bird flew the willow tree right outside my window and looked up at me.
"How can you live such a careless life and I can't?"
-Chirp-
The bird sounded and flew away in the fading sunset.
How I wish I could fly away, but I can't. And now my heart is broken.
I felt a tear forming at the corner of my eye.
What I would give to fly away, or run away. Make it big and live my dreams on a complete black stage. But it won't. Because dreams like that just don't come true. They never do.
YOU ARE READING
Young, Gay, Love
Teen Fiction'Young, Gay, Love' is a book about a teenage gay named Sam trying to understand how the world works. Growing up as a sheltered home-schooler he learns what the term gay is and that thinking boys are attractive has a lot more strings attached than he...
