It's almost 2020 and even though I want to say that I'm living happily married to Aiden, some things are not meant to be. I'm single and pursuing my dream but even though I may be single, I am not alone. It's been 7 years since I began sharing my story and in those 7 years I have lived. If I was to die tomorrow, I would go out knowing the life I've lived was full. I have loved, I have achieved what other people have said was impossible, and most importantly I have experienced love to the fullest capacity that I have known to exist. This is the end to "Young, Gay, Love" and if you have made it this far I want you to know that I appreciate you and I am thankful that you have cared enough to stick it out with me thus far.
The friends I have mentioned before are now living their own lives. One is the town drunk, another continues to pursue her music career... I guess what I'm trying to say is we are all living our own lives in the best way we think is possible. I, Sam, am living with my parents again helping out on the farm. As for Aiden, he was a love that I needed to remind me that I am worthy of love and that I need to work on accepting validation from other people. I am now working a night job as a caregiver taking care of my uncle and during the day helping out at my family friend's Thai restaurant. I started my own business this year, put out my first album, and have released two music videos that have garnered 1,000+ views with another one premiering Friday the 13th. Despite my past, I was able to overcome a lot of confusion and trauma. I was able to find the beauty in the pain and grow despite the adverse circumstances. It took going to hell and coming back to find strength in my own voice. As Sam, I have forgiven my rapist and asked for forgiveness from those caught in the collateral damage from my immature actions. Even though most of those involved weren't able to look past the chaos I created, there were those who welcomed me back with open arms. From there I started over with a blank slate and created something beautiful. With my own vision, I created a project called "Kissing Boys" and assembled a team/community of my own. Going into 2020 with a solid support system and team I know I need to end this era of my life so I can embrace what is to come.
If you're reading this and you are feeling lost I want you to know you're not alone. It's cliche to say this but I have truly been there and how I was able to find the light at the end of tunnel was by living my own truth. I chose to be unapologetically myself, learning from my mistakes, and letting love rule above all else. When you let yourself find freedom from your pain and not letting your mistakes or people define you. You become unfuckable. Don't validate opinions or gossip, strengthen your character and you won't have to worry about the petty shit. Because when you live a life of truth, the lies and games have no power over you.
As Sam, I admit that my story is confusing, fucked up, and I wrote this story with the intention to help others. But it became self-involved and more of a journal. As Sam, I am not this fabulous gay living his best life. Instead I am Sam who has lived a full life by accepting what is and what will be. Somehow out of the disaster, I am able to say I am living out my dream despite the obstacles that were set before me. Because I allowed the power of forgiveness to do its thing, I was able to accept and receive this second chance at a new life with a new start to begin again as my own person.
My story isn't over... but Young, Gay, Love must come to a close. I've mentioned this before but I will say it again. Use your voice, speak up! When you are the most afraid that's when it is time for you to make some noise. Whether it's crying in the shower, shouting at the top of your lungs in your car, dancing around your friend's living room having a random karaoke session, or maybe it's time to have that heart to heart with "you-know-who". Use your voice and let it out. Write a song or write a wattpad story. Whatever you do, don't stay silent and bottle it up. Dreams aren't the only thing that can come true. The things that get stuck in your head about that better future you want, those things can come true too. Healing happens when you are proactive. So don't be afraid, go out there and do your worst (or best) and make that shit happen.
"True beauty is the beauty that hides from the eye. When I started writing songs people thought they were boring and I couldn't get anyone to record them, so I started recording them myself. Then they heard what I was hearing all along. Sometimes you have to show people how to see beauty." - Tokyo Mew Mew
As 2019 is coming to a close, I am welcoming all that 2020 has to offer. But most importantly, I am ready to celebrate the life God has provided me with, because despite what other people have said, I overcame the bullshit and became the very thing I most feared which was being my most authentic self.
Goodbye friends and again thank you for joining me on this crazy, beautiful, fucked up journey. Now go out there and live your truth with no apologies.
Hilton Jr. Young, Gay, Love. (2013-2020)
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Young, Gay, Love
Teen Fiction'Young, Gay, Love' is a book about a teenage gay named Sam trying to understand how the world works. Growing up as a sheltered home-schooler he learns what the term gay is and that thinking boys are attractive has a lot more strings attached than he...
