Found In The Woods

Chapter Forty-Seven

Crescent sat down in the single person chair as PJ and I sat in the smaller couch, so we could face each other during this. And the distance made it less likely for our confrontation to get physical.

"I'm sorry for what I said," Crescent said with much reluctance.

"And I apologize for losing my temper," I told him.

PJ sat there awkwardly, gently taking my hand into his. I gave his hand a squeeze.

"Is this all?" Crescent started to stand.

"No," PJ ordered, making him immediately sit down. "You're going to elaborate. No one is getting up until we've successfully talked about our feelings."

Crescent grumbled, rolling his eyes. "I'm sorry for talking about your dad or whatever. I just wanted to hurt you."

"It's alright. I understand." I crossed my arms. "I'm just upset you keep painting me in a bad light to Cil. I want a good relationship with my child, I truly do."

"Maybe if you weren't gone his entire life, you would," he remarked.

"We've already explained why I wasn't there!" I stood up, starting to tear up.

PJ stood with me, putting a hand on my shoulder. "Fresh—"

"Do you really think that if I knew I would've stayed away?!" I took a shaky breath, wiping my tears away. "I can't change what happened. If I could, trust me, I'd do everything better. But I can't. I can't change the fact I wasn't there for PJ and Cil before, but I want to be here now."

Crescent seemed surprised. It wasn't like the last time I showed weakness: this time it was actual weakness. Not the weakness that disguises itself as strength that is anger. But true vulnerability: sadness. Tears. It wasn't like a guy to cry, especially not one who seems so conventionally masculine.

PJ gently made me sit down, not saying anything. He knew this issue was between us, and he was only here to make sure it was addressed.

"Geez, why do you care so much?" Crescent spat, making me feel worse. I allowed myself to cry, even if just a little, in front of him, and he immediately attacked the vulnerability I showed.

"You took my place for the past four years." I knew that this would be the only time to finally say it, so even if it seemed ridiculous, I might as well speak my truth. "You were the one holding PJ when he learnt he was pregnant. You were the one helping him through all the ups and downs. You were the one with him throughout it all. Crescent, you got to be the one helping PJ raise Cil. You're the only person I wished I could take the place of, because then maybe I wouldn't have missed so many important moments in my own child's life. His first word, his first birthday, when he learnt to walk, everything. I missed some of the most important things, and they were all things you got to be there for. So, if you were the one taking my place, then wouldn't you know the best? The best for PJ and Cil? It hurts more because I'm being reminded of just how horrible I am by the one person I wish I could be more like. And you're talking trash about me to my face, to the love of my life, to my child. You're hitting me everywhere it really hurts, and I don't have defense against someone I want the approval of." I looked down, scooting a bit away from PJ. This really was embarrassing. "I keep thinking that if, maybe, I could get you to give me a chance, than it meant I deserved a chance."

We all sat there, awkwardly. I didn't let myself ramble more, as I might've humiliated myself further. I don't think either of the other men in that room knew how to respond to such a speech. I did kinda put them in an uncomfortable situation. They exchanged some looks, not yet breaking the silence.

"Look, Fresh," Crescent began, rubbing the back of his neck. "I... I'm sorry for being a dick. I guess being in that position made me think I should protect PJ and Cil, and that they needed to be protected from you. I was trying to drive you away, because I didn't want the person who hurt PJ the most to take my place as the person who takes care of him the most. Jammy is like one of my little siblings, and I guess I forgot that he's not one of them. He is an adult, and he can make his own decisions."

PJ seemed so pleased with how this discussion went. We were all prepared for a fist fight, more screaming, stuff like that. But we managed to get through it like the adults we were. We, for the most part, explained our emotions without insulting the other unnecessarily.

"Anything else you two would like to tell each other before we put this to a close?" He looked from me to Crescent.

"Yeah." Crescent leaned over a bit, resting his forearms on his knees. "If you fuck up and break his heart again, I will come for you with a gun."

"Cres!" PJ scolded, definitely not meaning that.

"In all fairness, if I repeated my mistakes from four years ago, I deserve to be hunted down," I added.

"Fresh, no!" He huffed, not wanting violence to be what this ended off with.

I chuckled, gently stroking his soft black hair. "Okay, okay. We won't joke like that. In front of you."

"Fresh!" PJ huffed, only making me laugh more.

"Sorry! Sorry. Okay." I kissed him gently. "Besides, I won't give him the chance to make that joke truth, okay?"

PJ nodded, snuggling into my arms. "Thanks Freshy."

"Ew." Crescent stood up. "I'm gonna grab Cil."

"Okay," PJ chirped.

I held him close, kissing him gently. PJ returned the affection, wrapping his arms around my neck. We kissed for a few moments.

I pulled away, smirking when I saw he had his ears and tail. "Are you getting excited from a kiss, Jammy?~" I teased, gently petting his soft ears.

"Don't say it like that! It's a normal excitement!" PJ blushed a bright red at my tone and implications.

"If it's a normal excitement, why're you so red?~" I smirked wider, running my fingers through his hair. "Could it be you're extra excited?~"

PJ didn't have a chance to respond when I got up to greet Cil. He gulped and tried to calm his red face.

"Fresh, why's daddy so red?" Cil asked.

"Your daddy still gets flustered when we kiss!" I said, putting my hand to the side of my mouth like I was whispering a secret.

"Hey!" PJ huffed, getting up.

I laughed at how much redder his face was getting. "Jammy gets flustered real easy!"

"Fresh!"