Genshin Impact BL DISCONTINUED

You and the world (Childe/Zhongli)

I was sad after that Zhongli/Diluc chapter so I wrote this one. I'm way too attached to these pixels. I'm a grown ass adult (a fossil, eh?), I should do adult things, but no, I'm in love with fictional men and women (don't tell my 3D husband).

Btw, yes I deleted the last chapter. I guess sometimes you just find yourself not liking your own work.

~°•°~°•°~°•°~°•°~°•°~°•°~°•°~°•°~°•°~°•°~

Something had been on Childe's mind for quite some time now. It was something he had never thought he would consinder, something he thought he would never want. At first it had felt wrong to even think about it. He was a harbinger, swore his life to the Tsaritsa, he didn't even know if he would survive until a certain age, but the longer he thought about it, the more he knew that he really wanted it. And that there was only one person he would want that with. Now he only had to do it, and that was easier said than done. The man he spend a lot of his time thinking about was 6000 years old after all. An archon, an adeptus, sometimes very far away in his mind, sometimes haphazardly about human traditions and behavior. There were old burdens, disguised as memories, some even precious to him. And Childe, Childe was only a twenty-something years old guy, combative, reckless but still loveable. Hopefully lovable enough to be loved by a man as old as time itself.

Maybe the ginger wouldn't have questioned himself in this that much if he hadn't screwed up several times before. And he knew that the last time hadn't been just a small mistake. He had caused damage. Damage that maybe not even someone with 6000 years of experience would want to fix. Or allow to be fixed. That the man Zhongli had left the world of mortals and the ex-archon Morax had returned to his realm, was probably a clear sign of how much Childe had screwed it up. A demotivating, destructive sign for the heart of the sometimes still too young harbinger.

-

"It is quite not understandable to me by which action I may have caused your distrust, Ajax.", Zhongli's voice had been heavy with a certain sadness while his appearance remained the same as ever. A faint golden glow lingered in the amber eyes as they were fixed on the man infront of him, watching him gather all of his belongings inside the small apartment they used to share.
"It has nothing to do with trust at all! It just doesn't make sense. Wasn't it you who told me that there is a right place and a right time for everything? See, it's not now and not here and probably never!", Childe wasn't used to the harsh sound of his own voice, a sting inside his chest told him that he went too far, but he had stopped listening. He had stopped listening to his heart and even to his mind that warned him to stop before he had hurt both of them beyond repair.
"...you have not yet explained to me what led you to this opinion. If I made a mistake.."
"Stop it already! I know what you're trying to do! Being all perfect and flawless to make me feel guilty! I won't. Did you hear that? I won't feel guilty this time, Zhongli. This was never meant to be! We were never meant to be and you have to fucking accept it! I'm a harbinger, loyal to only one archon, I don't need any distractions. And you've been nothing more than a distraction! A trap. An obstacle. That's over now!", putting a few last shirts into his bag, Childe finally looked at Zhongli again and for a moment he felt like he could see the world fall apart around him. Never in all of their time together he had seen such an expression on his face. Not even in the moments when he remembered Guizhong had the ex-archon ever looked like this. The pain Childe felt inside his chest was unbearable and suffocating, but it was too late to change his mind. And at that moment he didn't want to either.
"I am not aware of how I created this aversion in you, but I apologize for any circumstance that may have led to it. However, I do not share these feelings. It seems to me as if I had not been able to see the truth, maybe I did not want to, but my feelings for you at all times were of an honest and sincere nature. And they still are. I may not have verbalized it before, but I do love you. How meaningless given the situation .. ", averting the gingers gaze while he spoke, it was the first time ever Childe hadn't looked at an archon. He had looked at a vulnerable man whose feelings had been all too human. While Childe tried to swallow the knot in his throat, Zhongli got up from the chair he had been sitting on, took Childes earring he had been wearing off and wordlessly laid it on the table. The golden eyes the blue ones met a second later were again far diffent to those of a mortal being.
"You may be correct in this regard. For some things there may be no right time and no right place. Not in this life and not in each of the following.", the dark-haired stated as he turned to leave, his voice as cold as the air in the land that Childe called his home.
Morax had vanished surrounded by a dance of golden lights and a soft trembling of the earth beneath their feet, a farewell without return. That moment Childe knew that he broke the archons heart, but the Childe at that moment had been too blinded by his false anger to see this. And this Childe had only wanted to return to Snezhnaya.