Genshin Impact BL DISCONTINUED

Incapable (Alhaitham/Kaveh)

Hello there 👋

It has been quite some time, huh?
Well, life happens and suddenly a year has passed...

To everyone who is still here and every new reader:  Thank you so so much! I appreciate the likes, comments and views a lot!

I can't promise that I'll be updating regularly again, but maybe I'll at least find my muse again.

📖 Hurt/Comfort; Part 1 of 2.

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"Do you even know what love is?", Kaveh's first question came out of nowhere, possibly due to the wine they had shared that evening, but the anger that had been pent up for a long time slowly wrapped itself around him like a red spouted veil. It had been too many quarrels, too much lack of respect, too little openly shown affection in all these years that they already knew each other. This evening, once again, was the complete opposite of what it could have been, at least that's what Kaveh thought. The unwanted emotions clouded his mind and limited his vision, it was getting harder and harder to breathe. Why did he feel like crying for a man who was actually nothing more than his roommate?
"I do.", the answer came quickly, far too quickly. The constant disinterested tone in his voice, the emotionlessness in his eyes, of course, this question was also just another of the topics he didn't want to waste any energy on. The belief that Alhaitham, as always, didn't care only threw more kindling into the flames of Kaveh's rage. The veil was constantly tightening around his chest, becoming more of a rope that threatened to smother him of all the air he could breathe. He was so sick of being the only one who cared.
"No you don't! You're not capable to love anyone or anything!", the blond spat without thinking twice, too fed up and exhausted. His eyes were boring into the other's skull, hoping for some real emotion to be uncovered, the cup in his hands made crunching sounds from the pressure he exerted on it. Yet, there was nothing but silence on the other side. One breath and another, a barely audible sigh, a blink that covered the sparkle in Alhaitham's eyes and carried it away as he opened his eyes again. For an agonizingly long moment there was nothing but silence between the two of them.
"...You're right.", the scribe finally replied as he suddenly stood up without even looking at Kaveh, the cup on his side of the table swayed dangerously from the sudden movement.
"I'm probably incapable of that and most likely my understanding of my feelings, the thought that my feelings for you could be love are nothing more than wishful thinking born out of too many unscientific books I've read. ...Thank you for reminding me and saving me from wasting any more time on it, Kaveh.", he added in a stable but unusually quiet voice, his eyes bereft of any sign of liveliness as he met the fiery red gaze only to turn and leave a second later. Alhaitham didn't want to say or hear anything else, the conversation and probably everything else was obviously over for him, but there were so many words on Kaveh's tongue. So many words that had to be said and should be spoken, but his tongue was tied, the red veil now like a lump in his throat, the words stuck. Did he make a mistake? Did he miss something?

"...H-haitham..."

-

Kaveh had dreaded to go home after Alhaitham had left him at Lambdads without turning around or saying a word. He didn't know what was really going on inside the scribe, what he thought, what he felt, he only knew that the evening didn't end the way he had hoped it would. What had he been really hoping for? And what did he expect would happen? He couldn't answer the question for the evening, nor for the current moment. It certainly didn't help that he had spent way too many more hours in the restaurant and had drunk far too much more wine. For all those hours he had been racking his brains about whether he had really missed something or whether Alhaitham had only said this to provoke him. Would he really do that? Would he really throw words like love around just to annoy him? Or was it true and he had just missed the signals, Alhaitham's own, perhaps unusual, way of showing him these feelings? Then why had he never said anything? Was the scribe even someone who would say something like that openly? Kaveh didn't know. He felt like he didn't know anything anymore and worse, he felt like he didn't know who Alhaitham really was, despite all his years as a senior and junior, as roommates and as friends. Wasn't it then actually he who was incapable? Kaveh sighed when he finally took Mehrak back into his hand, threw the little money he had left in his pockets on the table and left the place half an hour after closing time. Every step back to the house that sheltered him felt heavy and tough. It was his home, no, it could have been his home, but was it still? The blonde sighed again, unsure what to expect even though he didn't even know if Alhaitham was at home. The blonde sighed once again as he slowly opened the door, his expensive face cream would go to waste if he kept making a face like that, but he was feeling way too anxious and overwhelmed with the situation. A faint light coming from the living room quickly told him that he probably wasn't alone, but he didn't know if Alhaitham still being awake was a good or a bad sign. The man usually was really strict about his sleeping schedule. But didn't the fact, that he was there despite everything and Kaveh's suitcase wasn't standing packed in front of the door, mean that he couldn't at least try to talk to him again? It probably wasn't wise to try after all that wine and Kaveh didn't know what to say, but there were still so many questions in his mind. Maybe he really should apologize too, maybe he should try to restart the conversation and tell the other all the things he had really wanted to talk about and maybe he should really listen this time too. It couldn't hurt to try, could it? .