it ends with us ✦ draco malfoy (sequel to endgame)

favorite ex

   "You aren't still upset about what happened with Draco a few weeks ago, are you?", Stass asked, looking through the bookshelf in my bedroom at home.

    I propped myself up on my elbows on top of my bed. "Would you hate me if I said 'yes'?"

    "Honestly, yes, but I don't blame you. You have feelings for them. Even though it's platonic, you still feel something for him. I won't chastise you feeling upset."

    "It just sucks, you know? I'm not going to lie to you and say that sometimes I miss him and wish we were still together, but I know it's not worth it. I don't want to get hurt over and over again. If we got back together, it's only a matter of time until he does something to break my heart again."

    "Are you scared of getting hurt again or are you scared of being vulnerable to someone you can't trust?"

    What's the fucking difference? Isn't getting hurt and being vulnerable to someone I don't trust the same thing? Both things are pretty much the same. I can get heart broken either way.

    Stass sighed, walking across my hardwood floors and plopping herself on my bed right next to me. "Babes, I'm your best friend and I will support you no matter what. Just do what you feel right. Don't let anyone try to dictate your life. If you wanna be with Draco, be with Draco. If you don't, then don't."

    "I don't want to be with Draco."

    "But, Stell", she breathed, "I see how sad you get when he's not around. You have these sad puppy dog eyes whenever you see Adrian and I together. You used to look around campus just to see if you can catch a glimpse of his pale blonde hair."

    Damn, I didn't think she would notice.

    She reached for my hand and placed hers on top of mine. "Be honest with me, Stell. Do you still love him? Not platonic love, but love."

    Shit, I don't know. All I know is that I cherish the good moments Draco and I had together and at times, I do miss him. To be fair, I spent most of life being in a relationship with someone. If I wasn't with Theo, I was with Draco, then Louis, and then back to Draco. Maybe I'm just a relationship girl who has no idea how to be completely single.

    Being single these past two years, I still had moments where my heart belonged to Draco. I wasn't able to be single and fully live my life without feelings for anyone. I couldn't even look at my best friend who has a boyfriend and be completely happy for her because at times I wished it was me (with someone else of course).

    "Well", I sang, "love is a very strong word."

    "You're so in denial", she chuckled. "You still love hime, I know you do. Whether you want to admit it or not, you still do and you will be saying 'you were right' to me anytime soon."

    She's not wrong. Stass has a way to always being right when it comes to these things.

    "I don't wanna say—"

    "Let me say something", Stass said cutting me off. "If you didn't love him, you wouldn't have stopped in the street of Paris to wave hims down and invite him to the ball. You wouldn't have kept it from Theo and I if you didn't deep down feel like you might get back together with him. You wouldn't have gotten so pissed at him when he didn't show up if you didn't have a little bit of love for Draco. For fuck's sake! You wouldn't have fucked him in the restaurant bathroom if deep down you didn't feel some sort of connection."

    I somewhat feel attacked right now. Just because I reacted to Draco and to certain things he's done, doesn't mean that I still love him. I could slide any of my ex boyfriends into Draco's slot and probably would feel the same way. I'm just lonely. A lonely soul, not a desperate little girl who wants to be in a relationship with Draco Malfoy.