twenty one pilots imagines (part two)

already gone (tyler)

pairing: tyler joseph x reader
word count: 916
tw: angst, suicide, mentions of depression and anxiety, gore?

"you seem like you're in a good mood." my coworker, addison, noticed. i smiled.

"i just can't help it. tonight when i get home, i have huge news for my husband. lately he's been pretty down, but i have a feeling he's going to feel good about this." i replied. she nodded.

"when do you clock out?" she asked me. i looked at my watch.

"two hours left." i told her.

"well, best of luck giving your husband the news. i've gotta go."

"okay! i'll talk to you soon, addison."

"bye, y/n!"

addison disappeared and i continued working. a few moments later, my phone went off. it was a message from tyler.

tyler: i'm sorry. i love you.

i stared at the message in confusion. did we fight earlier? i didn't remember a fight, but i assumed maybe he thought he had just messed up.

you: i don't know what you're sorry about, you didn't nothing wrong my love. i love you too.

i expected a reply but i didn't receive one. i just pushed it away for a while before it all struck me at once.

"NO!" i blurted out. everyone in the office stared at me as i rushed out of my desk. i exited the building, not even bothering to clock out. if i knew tyler, this was important.

surely he wouldn't do it, right? he was happy now. we were happy. right?

i then noticed how lately he had always been up before me. at the time i just assumed he had been getting up early. but what if i was wrong? what if his insomnia and dark thoughts kicked in and he couldn't sleep?

"tyler joseph, you better be okay God dammit." i said, trying not to cry as i sped home. this could be bad. it could be more than bad.

when i made it home, tyler's car was in the driveway. that couldn't be a good sign. he didn't get out of work for another 15 minutes.

i rushed out of my car and into my house. the second i stepped inside, i noticed something was off.

"tyler?" i called out. i began walking from room to room, searching for my husband. when i reached the bathroom, the place i was evidently avoiding, i walked in hesitantly.

i broke down at the spot.

tyler was in the bathtub, fully clothed. it was only his wrists that were nude, deep cuts exposed to the air. his eyes were opened and it took one look at them to know he was dead. the light in his eyes that always gave me hope was gone.

"tyler, no!" i cried, falling to the ground next to his lifeless body. "God damn it, this wasn't supposed to happen. you were supposed to stay alive!"

i stayed there crying, not knowing what else to do. i started to wonder subconsciously what would have happened if i had rushed home the second i saw his message. but that didn't matter, because when i made it home that day, tyler was already gone.

i noticed a pink envelope with my name on it on the toilet seat. i immediately grabbed it, ripping it open to read it.

Dear Y/n,

I have no idea where to begin. First, I'd like to thank you. You taught me something I never thought I would ever begin to experience. You showed me that through all the dark thunderclouds, there was still sunshine behind it. That's how I always saw it; my depression was the dark thunderclouds and you were my sunshine, always there for me after a storm. But who would've known that I would be in a constant state of clouds and rain? I wanted to reach out, believe me I did. But you were so convinced that everything was amazing, that I didn't want to ruin that with my stupid negative thoughts and emotions. Thinking back, maybe that was the better idea. You've always been so supportive and there for me, you've never stopped loving me through any of this. But nothing is going to change my mind now, I just know I have to do it. It'll never go away no matter how much I try. I want you to know that I'm sorry. I am. I'm sorry that you have to find me like this, and I'm sorry I'll never be there for you again. This is not your fault, please believe me when I state that. You were the love of my life. And..I know I might not be yours. Which means, if you find someone who makes you as happy as I did or even happier, go for them. That is my dying wish. Live a happy life. For the both of us.

I love you. More than anything I have ever loved in my whole life.

,Tyler

"no!" i cried more. "it's not fair. you promised you would stay alive, how can you just break that promise?"

i tossed the suicide note to the side as i lifted up the toilet seat and threw up. i knew it could've been out of sadness, but then i remembered the news i had for tyler. that only made me even more sick, as i realized he would never know.

how was i ever supposed to mourn and take care of a pregnancy at the same time?