Blind Love

Chapter 72 • Two Plus Two

"I-I have what? Preeclampsia? That sounds terrible, like a-a disease or something," JJ's quivery voice lets me know she's about to burst into tears.

"It's going to be okay, love. Where's your hand?"

She sniffs and I feel her hand take mine to hold. While I'm sat next to her in the hospital bed, I wish I could do more to comfort her, but I'm afraid I'll bump into something.

"It's caused by your high blood pressure and protein in your urine, from the gestational diabetes," Dr. Tate explains. "Luckily, you have a mild case. The good news is that we've caught it in time so we can treat it before it can worsen and become potentially dangerous to you and the fetuses."

"All I'm hearing is that I caused all this. It's because of my stupid diabetes and high blood pressure. It's all my fault. Oh my God."

"No, love, you didn't cause this. It's not your fault," I try to encourage her, gently squeezing her hand and she sniffs.

"Here's some tissue," Dr. Tate says. "The antihypertensive you're on has helped lower your blood pressure, but I'm concerned at the protein level in your urine and your blood sugar level."

JJ blows her nose and sighs, "Then that means it is my fault, doesn't it? Two plus two equals four. It doesn't take a genius to add them up."

"Some women are more prone to certain complications during pregnancy and some aren't. You just happen to be in the category of high-risk pregnancy. It's nothing to get upset over. I'm here to discuss treatment and possible outcomes with you both."

"Yes, by all means, how do we treat this so both JJ and the babies are safe?" I desperately ask.

"Well, the number one treatment for Preeclampsia is to induce labor, but-"

"I'm only twenty weeks! I can't do that."

"I understand and I'm not suggesting that. Here's where it gets tricky. If you were a few more weeks along, I'd suggest inducing labor, but the fetuses would have a slim to none chance of survival out of the womb at twenty weeks, especially Baby B."

"Okay, so we know that's not even an option on the table," JJ firmly says and I agree. "What's the next one?"

"I've already prescribed bed rest, but that doesn't seem to have helped."

"Oh my God," JJ cries out.

"What is it, love? We've already been on bed rest, so that's nothing new. We can still do that."

"No, you don't understand. I didn't follow through with the bed rest order completely."

"What are you talking about?"

"I cheated. I sat up more than I should have, I was active, I-I moved our bloody suitcases around that one time when your mum wasn't looking, I snuck some sweets when I was alone, oh God, this is all my fault. I caused this. I hurt my own babies."

While JJ full-on sobs, I use the bed railing to help me stand so I can be there for her. I feel around for her shoulder and lean down to give her a hug, in an awkward position since she's on her side. I feel her hand on my bicep and she grasps at my shirt as if she's holding on for dear life and I continue to soothe her back.

"It's going to be okay, love. It's not your fault. I don't blame you for this, okay?"

She sniffs, nodding her head in acknowledgment and I stand up from our hug, feeling around for the bed railing. Once I get my bearings, I carefully sit down in the chair and turn my attention to Dr. Tate.

"Ugh, this is just terrible. Will my babies be okay?"

"It's hard to tell, but the good news is that both placentas are in good shape right now, so the fetuses are getting enough nutrients. The thing that concerns me is their oxygen, mostly for Baby B. With Preeclampsia, it will restrict the blood vessels to the placenta and ultimately deprive the fetuses of necessary oxygen. I don't want to start steroids just yet."