F.R.I.E.N.D.S Hamilton AU

Ep 12: The One With the Dozen Lasagnas

[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there. Alexander working on a cross puzzle. he starts humming the theme from The Odd Couple. John joins in, followed by Angelica and Peggy, then the whole gang. Alexander starts humming the theme from I Dream Of Jeannie.]

John: No-no-no-no, we're done.

[Scene: Angelica and Eliza's, Angelica is on the phone in the kitchen.]

Angelica: Aunt Syl, stop yelling! All I'm saying is that if you had told me vegetarian lasagna, I would have made vegetarian lasagna. (pauses, listens to the person on phone) Well, the meat's only every third layer, maybe you could scrape.

(Camera moves to John, Peggy, Alexander, and Hercules sitting in living room)

Hercules: Alexander, did you really read all these baby books?

Alexander: Yup! You could plunk me down in the middle of any woman's uterus, no compass, and I can find my way out of there like that! (snaps fingers)

Peggy: Ooh, this is cool...it says in some parts of the world, people actually eat the placenta. (Hercules grimaces)

John: And, we're done with the yogurt. (Sets yogurt down on the table)

Peggy: (softly) Sorry. (Camera pans back to Angelica, still on phone)

Angelica: Aunt Syl, I did this as a favour, I am not a caterer. What do you want me to do with a dozen lasagnas? (listens to Aunt Syl on phone, looks shocked) Nice talk, Aunt Syl. (in New York accent) You kiss Uncle Freddie with that mouth?

(Camera pans back to the group in the living room)

Hercules: Hey Alexander, listen, you know that right now, your baby's only this big? (measures about 2 inches with his thumb and index finger) This is your baby. (in baby-like voice) Hi Daddy!

Alexander: (waves) Hello!

Hercules: (in baby-like voice) How come you don't live with Mommy? (pause; shows Alexander less than amused) How come Mommy lives with that other lady? (pause; Alexander still looks less than amused; Hercules smiling) What's a lesbian? (playfully hits Alexander)

(Eliza enters with Paolo, speaking Italian. Alexander looks annoyed)

Eliza: Honey, you can say it, Poconos, Poconos, it's like Poc-o-nos (touching Paolo's nose with forefinger with each syllable)

Paolo: Ah, poke (Paolo touches Eliza's nose) a (touches nose again) nose, mmm (they rub noses, then kisses her)

Hercules, John, and Alexander: (sitting in the living room, imitating Paolo) Mma, Mma, Mmaah

(Camera pans to Eliza, Angelica, and Peggy in the kitchen)

Angelica: So, did I hear Poconos?

Eliza: Yes, my sister's giving us her place for the weekend.

Peggy: Woo-hoo, first weekend away together!

Angelica: Yeah, that's a big step.

Eliza: I know...

(Camera pans to Alexander, looking dejected)

John: (to Alexander) Ah, it's just a weekend, big deal!

Alexander: Wasn't this supposed to be just a fling, huh? Shouldn't it be...(makes flinging motions with hands) flung by now?

(Camera pans back to Eliza)

Eliza: I mean, we are way past the fling thing, I mean, I am feeling things that I've only read about in Danielle Steele books, you know? I mean, when I'm with him, I'm totally, totally...