F.R.I.E.N.D.S Hamilton AU

Ep: 14 The One With The Candy Hearts

[Scene: Central Perk, Alexander is eyeing a beautiful woman at the counter, and Hercules and John are pushing him on to go talk to her.]

Hercules: I'm tellin' you Alex, she wants you.

Alexander: She barely knows me. We just live in the same building.

John: Any contact?

Alexander: She lent me an egg once.

Hercules: You're in!

Alexander: Aw, right.

Woman: Hi, Alexander.

Alexander: Hey. (stutters something incoherent)

John: Come on, Alexander, you gotta get back in the game here, ok? The Eliza thing's not happening, your ex-wife is a lesbian—I don't think we need a third...

Hercules: Excuse me, could we get an egg over here, still in the shell? Thanks.

Alexander: An egg?

Hercules: Yeah, you're gonna go up to her and say, "Here's your egg back, I'm returning your egg."

John: I think it's winning.

Alexander: I think it's insane.

John: She'll love it. Go with the egg, my friend.

(Alexander walks over to the woman, egg in hand.)

Hercules: Think it'll work?

John: No, it's suicide. The man's got an egg.

[Scene: Central Perk, Angelica, Eliza, Peggy, Hercules, John are there. Alexander is still talking to the beautiful woman.]

Angelica: You can not do this.

Eliza: Do what, do what?

Angelica: Roger wants to take her out tomorrow night.

Eliza: No! Pegs! Don't you remember why you dumped the guy?

Peggy: 'Cause he was creepy, and mean, and a little frightening... alright, still, it's nice to have a date on Valentine's Day!

Angelica: But Peggy, you can go out with a creepy guy any night of the year. I know I do.

Eliza: Well, what are you guys doing tomorrow night?

Hercules: Actually, tomorrow night kinda depends on how tonight goes.

John: Oh, uh, listen, about tonight...

Hercules: No, no, no, don't you dare bail on me. The only reason she's goin' out with me is because I said I could bring a friend for her friend.

John: Yes, I know, but her friend sounds like such a...

Hercules: Pathetic mess? I know, but—come on, man, she's needy, she's vulnerable. I'm thinkin', cha-ching! (Eliza throws a roll at Hercules. He picks it up and eats it.) Thanks. Look, you have not been out with a woman since Martha. You're doin' this.

Alexander: Hi. She said yes.

John: Yes! Way to go, man! (John and Alexander hug. Something crunches in Alexander' shirt pocket.) Still got the egg, huh?

[Scene: A Restaurant, Hercules and John are there, waiting for their dates to show up.]

Hercules: (Looking at himself in the reflection on a knife) How do I look?