F.R.I.E.N.D.S Hamilton AU

Ep 15: The One With the Stoned Guy

[Scene: Central Perk, Eliza is serving Hercules, Alexander, and Angelica their drinks.]

Eliza: (to Hercules) Coffee. (Hands it to him.)

Hercules: Thank you.

Eliza: (to Alexander) Cappuccino. (Hands it to him.)

Alexander: Grazie.

Eliza: And a nice hot cider for Angelica. (Hands it to her.)

Angelica: Aww, thank you. (She notices something.) Uh Eliza?

Eliza: Yeah?

Angelica: Why does my cinnamon stick have an eraser?

Eliza: Oh! That's why. (Eliza checks behind her ear, and finds a cinnamon stick.) I'm sorry!

(She takes the pencil out of Angelica's coffee and licks it,Angelica puts her cup down in disgust.)

Opening Credits

[Scene: John's job, John is typing data into his computer, he keeps typing even while taking a drink of coffee with one hand. One of his co-workers walks by.]

Woman: John.

John: Mrs. Tedlock. You're looking lovely today. And may I say, that is a very flattering sleeve length on you.

Mrs. Tedlock: Yes. Well, Mr. Kostelick wants you to stop by his office at the end of the day.

John: Oh, listen. If this is about those prank memos, I had nothing to do with them. Really. Nothing at all. Really. (John tries to hide a rubber chicken from the woman.) Nothing.

[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there but John. Peggy runs in, excitedly.]

Peggy: Hey you guys! John's coming and he says he has, like, this incredible news, so when he gets here, we could all act like, you know...

(John comes in.)

John: Hey!

All: Hey!

Peggy: Never mind. But it was going to be really good.

Alexander: What's going on?

All: What is it?

John: So, it's a typical day at work. I'm inputting my numbers, and big Al calls me into his office and tells me he wants to make me 'processing supervisor'.

All: That's great!

John: So.... I quit.

All: Why?

John: Why? This was supposed to be a temp job!

Angelica: Yeah, John... you've been there for five years.

John: If I took this promotion, it'd be like admitting that this is what I actually do.

Peggy: So was it a lot more money?

John: It doesn't matter. I just don't want to be one of those guys that's in his office until twelve o'clock at night worrying about the WENUS.

(Everyone looks at him, confused.)

Eliza: ... the WENUS?

John: Weekly Estimated Net Usage Systems. A processing term.

Eliza: (sarcastic) Oh. That WENUS.

Hercules: So what're you going to do?

John: I don't know. That's the thing. I don't know what I want to do. I just know I'm not going to figure it out working there.