F.R.I.E.N.D.S Hamilton AU

Ep 17: The One Where Charles Moves In

[Scene: Hercules's new apartment. Everyone but John is there. Herc has decorated the place with tons of tacky stuff.]

Herc: Huh? So whaddya think? Casa de Hercules. Huh? I decorated it myself.

Alexander: Get out!

All: Noo!

Angelica: [looking at some kind of glass sculpture thing] Wow Herc, this is, uhh...

Herc: Art.

Angelica: ...Art it is.

Alexander: [looking at a glass table with a panther-shaped base] Look, check this out. Is it a coffee table? Is it a panther? There's no need to decide.

Eliza: [holding a pillow made out of 4-inch red fur] Heyy, nice pillow. So now tell me, is this genuine Muppet skin?

Peggy: [looking at a water sculpture that looks like a window with rain running down it] Hey, excellent, excellent water-table thing.

Herc: Thanks, yeah. I love this but ya know what, it makes me wanna pee.

Peggy: Yeah, well me too, yeah. I think that's the challenge.

Herc: Hey, how come, uhh, John didn't come?

Alexander: Well uh, it's cause he had a thing with, wi-, with the thing.

Herc: Right, I go-, I got it.

Peggy: So why don't ya show us the rest of your casa?

Herc: Yeah. Uh, oh, OH, the best part, c'mon. [leads them to the bathroom, gestures towards the toilet, everyone stares, uncomprehending] Heh?

Eliza: Hey, nice toilet.

Herc: No no no, behind it.

Alexander: Wha-, you have a phone in here?

Herc: That's right, I have a phone in here.

Angelica: Hercules, promise me something.

Herc: Yeah.

Angelica: Never call me from that phone.

[Scene: Central Perk. Angelica, John, and Alexander are seated. Eliza is walking over with coffee and a piece of pie.]

[Someone bumps into Eliza and she drops the pie in a guy's hood that's seated at the table. She improvises by using the plate as a saucer for the coffee.]

Eliza: Okay, here we go. Honey, I'm sorry, they were all out of apple pie, someone just got the last piece.

[Peggy enters]

Peggy: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. You are not gonna believe this. I have just been discovered.

John: Now wait a minute, I claimed you in the name of France four years ago.

Peggy: [Laughs impatiently] Anyway, Okay, now promise you won't like, freak out and say how great this is until I'm done, Okay.

All: Okay.

Peggy: Okay. I just met this producer of this like, teeny record company, who said that I have a very fresh, offbeat sound and she wants to do a demo of Smelly Cat.

All: [congratulating her and celebrating]

Peggy: I told you not to do that yet. And, she wants to do a video.

All: [celebrating more]

Peggy: I'm not done yet, Okay?!. God. Okay, if that goes well, they may even want to make an album.