F.R.I.E.N.D.S Hamilton AU

Ep 5: The One With the East German Laundry Detergent

[Central Perk, all six are there.]

Angelica: Would you let it go? It's not that big a deal.

Alexander: Not that big a deal? It's amazing. Ok, you just reach in there, there's one little maneuver, and bam, a bra right out the sleeve. All right, as far as I'm concerned, there is nothing a guy can do that even comes close. Am I right?

Eliza: Come on! You guys can pee standing up.

John: We can? All right, I'm tryin' that.

Hercules: Ok, you know what blows my mind? Women can see breasts any time they want. You just look down and there they are. How you get any work done is beyond me.

Peggy: Oh, ok, you know what I don't get? The way guys can do so many mean things, and then not even care.

(Long pause.)

Alexander: Multiple orgasms!

[Scene: Central Perk, all are there.]

John: So, Saturday night, the big night, date night, Saturday night, Sat-ur-day night!

Hercules: No plans, huh?

John: Not a one.

Alexander: Not even, say, breaking up with Martha?

John: Oh, right, right, shut up.

Angelica: John, nobody likes breaking up with someone. You just gotta do it.

John: No, I know, but it's just so hard, you know? I mean, you're sitting there with her, she has no idea what's happening, and then you finally get up the courage to do it, and there's the horrible awkward moment when you've handed her the note.

Hercules: Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man, just stop calling.

Peggy: You know, if you want, I'll do it with you.

John: Oh, thanks, but I think she'd feel like we're gangin' up on her.

Peggy: No, I mean you break up with Martha and I'll break up with Stephen.

Alexander: Stephen?

Angelica: Oh, you're breaking up with Stephen?

Peggy: Yeah, I know, he's sweet, but it's just not fun anymore, you know? I don't know if it's me, or his hunger strike, or, I don't know.

Eliza: (waitressing) Does anybody want anything else?

Alexander: Oh, yeah, last week you had a wonderful, nutty, chocolatey kind of a cakey pie thing. (Eliza gives him a dirty look) Nothing, just, just, I'm fine.

Peggy: (to Eliza) What's the matter? Why so scrunchy?

Eliza: It's my father. He wants to give me a Mercedes convertible.

Alexander: That guy, he burns me up.

Eliza: Yeah, well, it's a Mercedes if I move back home. Oh, it was horrible. He called me "young lady".

John: Ooh, I hate when my father calls me that.

Angelica: Did he give you that whole "You're-not-up-to-this" thing again?

Eliza: Oh, yeah, yeah. Actually, I got the extended disco version, with three choruses of "You'll never make it on your own".

Peggy: (rhythmically) Uh-huh, uh-huh.

(Angela, a beautiful woman in a tight dress, enters.)

Angela: Hi, Hercules.

Hercules: My god, Angela.