F.R.I.E.N.D.S Hamilton AU

Ep 21: The One With The Fake Angelica

[Scene: Angelica and Eliza's, everyone is looking at papers.]

Hercules: How could someone get a hold of your credit card number?

Angelica: I have no idea. But look how much they spent!

Eliza: Angelica, would you calm down? The credit card people said that you only have to pay for the stuff that you bought.

Angelica: I know. It's just such reckless spending.

Alexander: I think when someone steals your credit card, they've kind of already thrown caution to the wind.

John: Wow, what a geek. They spent $69.95 on a Wonder Mop.

Angelica: That's me.

Peggy: Oh! Yuck! Alexander, he's doing it again! (Points to a lamp which is shaking behind the sofa)

Alexander: Marcel, stop humping the lamp! Stop humping! Now Marcel, come back- (Marcel runs toward Eliza's room) come here, Marcel-

Eliza: Oh no, not in my room! I'll get him.

Angelica: Alexander, you've got to do something about the humping.

Alexander: What? It's, it's just a phase.

John: Well, that's what we said about Hercules...

Alexander: Would you all relax? It's not that big a deal.

Eliza: (Out of shot) Stop it! Marcel! Oh!! Bad monkey!

Alexander: What?

Eliza: Let's just say my Curious George doll is no longer curious.

[Scene: Angelica and Eliza's, late at night. Angelica is still examining her bill as Eliza emerges from her room.]

Eliza: Oh, Angelica. You are not still going over that thing.

Angelica: This woman's living my life.

Eliza: What?

Angelica: She's living my life, and she's doing it better than me! Look at this, look. She buys tickets for plays that I wanna see. She, she buys clothes from stores that I'm intimidated by the sales people. She spent three hundred dollars on art supplies.

Eliza: You're not an artist.

Angelica: Yeah, well I might be if I had the supplies! I mean, I could do all this stuff. Only I don't.

Eliza: Oh, Angelica, c'mon, you do cool things.

Angelica: Oh really? Okay, let's compare, shall we.

Eliza: (Yawning) Oh, it's so late for 'Shall we'...

Angelica: Do I go horseback riding in the park? Do I take classes at the New School?

Eliza: (Yawning) Nooo...

Angelica: This is so unfair! She's got everything I want, and she doesn't have my mother.

[Scene: Central Perk, Hercules and John are discussing stage names.]

John: How about Hercules... Walsh?

Hercules: No, still too ethnic. My agent thinks I should have a name that's more neutral.

John: Hercules... Switzerland?

(The waitress brings their coffee.)

Hercules: Plus, y'know, I think it should be Jon. Y'know, Hercules makes me sound like I'm, I dunno, this big. (Pinches his fingers small, the Waitress looks at him funny) Which I'm not.