F.R.I.E.N.D.S Hamilton AU

Ep 7: The One Where Alexander Finds Out

[Scene: Angelica and Eliza's apartment. Everyone is sitting at the couches, John enters.]

John: Okay, what is it about me? Do I not look fun enough? Is there something. . . repellent. . . about me?

Eliza: So, how was the party?

John: Well it couldn't have been worse. A woman literally passed through me. Okay, so what is it, am I hideously unattractive?

Peggy: No, you are not, you are very attractive. You know what, I go through the exact same thing. Every time I put on a little weight, I start questioning everything.

John: Woah, woah, I've put on a little weight?

Peggy: No, not weight... y'know, more like insulation.

Angelica: John, I'm unemployed and in dire need of a project. You wanna work out? I can remake you.

John: Oh, you know, I would, but that might get in the way of my lying around time.

Angelica: Please.

All: C'mon. Let her. Yeah.

John: All right, Okay, all right. But if we put on spandex and my boobs are bigger than yours, I'm goin' home.

Peggy: Your boobs are fine. look, I never should have said anything. Come here. Come here. (hugs John but holds her hands apart behind his back) Oh, can't make.... hands... meet....

(John looks annoyed)

[Scene: The Hallway, John comes out wearing spandex, jogging in place. Angelica is there.]

John: Okay, let's do it. (Angelica looks at him funny) What?

Angelica: Nothing, just never seen you in little stretchy pants before.

John: And we're changing. (jogs back in his apartment)

[Cut to the city street. Angelica and John are jogging. John is lagging behind so he hops in a cab and takes off, leaving Angelica behind]

[Scene: John and Hercules's, John is doing sit-ups.]

Angelica: C'mon give me five more. Five more.

John: (weakly) No.

Angelica: Five more and I'll flash you.

John: One. . . two. . . two and a half. Okay, just show me one of them.

[Scene: Central Perk, John and Hercules are sitting on the couch. Eliza is working.]

John: (slowly lifts the coffee cup to his mouth, Hercules is watching him) Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow....(Drinks his coffee) Ah.. (slowly sets the cup back down) Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. (Hercules intercepts the cup and puts it down for him). She's insane, the woman is insane. It's before work, it's after work, it's during work. She's got me doing butt clenches at my desk. And now, they won't bring me my mail anymore.

(Peggy enters.)

Eliza: Hey Pegs, how'd it go with Scott last night?

Peggy: Oh, um, it was nice. Took him to a romantic restaurant, ordered champagne, nice.

Hercules: The guy still won't put out, huh?

Peggy: Nope. Zilch, nothin', uh-uh.

All: Sorry Pegs.

Peggy: look, I, y'know, I don't mind taking it slow, I like him a lot, y'know he's really interesting and he's really sweet and why won't he give it up?

Hercules: Maybe he, uhh... drives his car on the other side of the road, if ya know what I mean.

Peggy: No, whad'ya mean? He's not British.