F.R.I.E.N.D.S Hamilton AU

Ep 3: The One with the Thumb

[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Peggy is there.]

Peggy: (entering) Hi guys!

All: Hey, Peggy! Hi!

Alexander: Hey. Oh, oh, how'd it go?

Peggy: Um, not so good. He walked me to the subway and said 'We should do this again!'

All: Ohh. Ouch.

Eliza: What? He said 'we should do it again', that's good, right?

Angelica: Uh, no. Loosely translated 'We should do this again' means 'You will never see me naked'.

Eliza: Since when?

Hercules: Since always. It's like dating language. Y'know, like 'It's not you' means 'It is you'.

John: Or 'You're such a nice guy' means 'I'm gonna be dating leather-wearing alcoholics and complaining about them to you'.

Peggy: Or, or, y'know, um, 'I think we should see other people' means 'Ha, ha, I already am'.

Eliza: And everybody knows this?

Hercules: Yeah. Cushions the blow.

John: Yeah, it's like when you're a kid, and your parents put your dog to sleep, and they tell you it went off to live on some farm.

Alexander: That's funny, that, no, because, uh, our parents actually did, uh, send our dog off to live on a farm.

Angelica: Uh, Alex...

Alexander: What? Wh- hello? The Millners' farm in Connecticut? The Millners, they had this unbelievable farm, they had horses, and, and rabbits that he could chase and it was- it w- (realises the dog is dead) .....Oh my God, Chi Chi!

[Scene: John and Hercules's, John is helping Hercules rehearse for a part.]

John: "So how does it feel knowing you're about to die?"

Hercules: "Warden, in five minutes my pain will be over. But you'll have to live with the knowledge that you sent an honest man to die."

John: Hey, that was really good!

Hercules: Thanks! Let's keep going.

John: Okay. "So. Whaddya want from me, Damone, huh?"

Hercules: "I just wanna go back to my cell. 'Cause in my cell, I can smoke."

John: "Smoke away."

(Hercules takes out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He fumbles and drops the lighter. Then he lights a cigarette, takes a drag, and coughs.)

John: I think this is probably why Damone smokes in his cell alone.

Hercules: What?

John: Relax your hand!

(Hercules lets his wrist go limp.)

John: Not so much!

Hercules: Woah!

John: Hey!

Hercules: Hey!

John: Alright, now try taking a puff.

(Hercules tries and visibly winces.)

John: Alright.. okay. No. Give it to me.

Hercules: No no no, I am not giving you a cigarette.

John: It's fine, it's fine. Look, do you wanna get this part, or not? Here.

(Hercules reluctantly gives him the cigarette).