F.R.I.E.N.D.S Hamilton AU

Ep 2: The One With the Sonogram at the End

[Scene Central Perk, everyone's there.]

Angelica: What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it.

Hercules: Yeah, right!.......Y'serious?

Peggy: Oh, yeah!

Eliza: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.

Angelica: Absolutely.

John: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.

Alexander: Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that... that's not why we bought the ticket.

John: The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake.

Eliza: Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone.

Hercules: (pause)....Are we still talking about sex?

[Scene: Museum of Prehistoric History, Alexander and a co-worker (Martha) are setting up an exhibit which includes some mannequins of cave people.]

Alexander: No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- mm- doesn't she seem a little angry?

Martha: Well, she has issues.

Alexander: Does she.

Martha: He's out banging other women over the head with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet!

Alexander: Martha, these are cave people. Okay? They have issues like 'Gee, that glacier's getting kinda close.' See?

Martha: Speaking of issues, isn't that your ex-wife?

(Caroline, Alexander's ex-wife, has entered behind them and is standing outside the exhibit.)

Alexander: (trying to ignore her) No. No.

Martha: Yes, it is. Caroline! Hi!

Alexander: Okay, okay, yes, it is. (waves) How about I'll, uh, catch up with you in the Ice Age.

(Martha exits and Alexander waves Caroline into the exhibit.)

Alexander: Hi.

Caroline: So.

Alexander: You look great. I, uh... I hate that.

Caroline: Sorry. You look good too.

Alexander: Ah, well, in here, anyone who... stands erect... So what's new? Still, uh...

Caroline: A lesbian?

Alexander: Well... you never know. How's, um.. how's the family?

Caroline: Marty's still totally paranoid. Oh, and, uh-

Alexander: Why- why are you here, Caroline?

Caroline: I'm pregnant.

Alexander: Pregnant?!

[Scene: Angelica and Eliza's, John, Hercules, Peggy, and Angelica are watching Three's Company.]

John: Oh, I think this is the episode of Three's Company where there's some kind of misunderstanding.

Peggy:...Then I've already seen this one! (Turns off the TV.)

Angelica: (taking a drink from Hercules) Are you through with that?