F.R.I.E.N.D.S Hamilton AU

Ep 5: The One With Five Steaks and an Eggplant

[Scene: John and Hercules's, Alexander and John are there. Alexander is watching wrestling.]

Alexander: Man, I sure miss Julie.

John: Spanish midgets. Spanish midgets wrestling. Julie. Ok, yes, I see how you got there. (The phone rings and John doesn't answer it.)

Alexander: You ever figure out what that thing's for?

John: No, see, I'm trying this new screening thing. You know, I figure if I'm always answering the phone, people'll think I don't have a life. My god, Rodrigo never gets pinned.

Machine: (Hercules's voice) Here comes the beep, you know what to do.

Woman's Voice: Hello, I'm looking for Bob. This is Jane. I don't know if you're still at this number, but I was just thinking about us, and how great it was, and, well, I know it's been three years, but, I was kinda hoping we could hook up again. I barely had the nerve to make this call, so you know what I did?

John: What?

Jade: I got a little drunk...and naked.

John: (answering the phone, in a deep voice) Bob here.

[Scene: John and Hercules's, continued from earlier. Alexander and John are dancing.]

John: (on phone) What've you been up to?

Jade: Oh, you know, the usual, teaching aerobics, partying way too much. Oh, and in case you were wondering, those are my legs on the new James Bond poster. (They stop dancing.)

John: Can you hold on a moment? I have another call. (To Alexander) I love her.

Alexander: I know.

John: (on phone) I'm back.

Jade: So, are we gonna get together or what?

John: Um, absolutely. Uh, how 'bout tomorrow afternoon? Do you know uh, Central Perk in the Village, say, five-ish?

Jade: Great, I'll see you then.

John: Ok. (He hangs up.) Ok. Having a phone has finally paid off.

Alexander: Even though you do, do a good Bob impression, I'm thinkin' when she sees you tomorrow, she's probably gonna realize, "Hey, you're not Bob."

John: I'm hoping that when Bob doesn't show up, she will seek comfort in the open arms of the wry stranger at the next table.

Alexander: Oh my god. You are pure evil.

John: Ok, pure evil (holds up his left hand), horny and alone (holds up his right hand). I've done this (He shakes his right hand.)

[Scene: Angelica and Eliza's, everyone is there and Alexander is on the phone.]

Alexander: Yeah, yeah, everybody's here. Hey, everybody, say hi to Julie in New Mexico.

All: Hi, Julie!

Eliza: (sarcastically) Hi, Julie.

John: Ok, while Alexander is on the phone, everybody owes me 62 bucks for his birthday.

Peggy: Um, is, is there any chance that you're rounding up? Y'know, like from, like 20?

John: Hey, come on, we got the gift, the concert, and the cake.

Hercules: Do we need a cake?

John: Look guys, I know it's a little steep.

Eliza: Yeah, whoosh! (Imitates going over a cliff with her hand.)