F.R.I.E.N.D.S Hamilton AU

Ep 4: The One With James Madison

[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there except Hercules.]

Angelica: Alright. Pegs?

Peggy: Okay, okay. If I were omnipotent for a day, I would want, um, world peace, no more hunger, good things for the rain-forest...And bigger boobs!

Alexander: Yeah, see.. you took mine. John, what about you?

John: Uh, if I were omnipotent for a day, I'd.. make myself omnipotent forever.

Eliza: See, there's always one guy. (Mocking) "If I had a wish, I'd wish for three more wishes." (Hercules enters.)

All: Hey Hercules. Hi. Hey, buddy.

Angelica: Hey, Hercules, what would you do if you were omnipotent?

Hercules: Probably kill myself!

Angelica: ..Excuse me?

Hercules: Hey, if Little Herc's dead, then I got no reason to live!

Alexander: Hercules, uh- OMnipotent.

Hercules: You are? Alex, I'm sorry..

[Scene: Central Perk, Alexander and Angelica are watching Peggy sleep.]

Angelica: How does she do that?

Alexander: I cannot sleep in a public place.

Angelica: Would you look at her? She is so peaceful.

Peggy: (waking and startling them) Oh! What what what! ...Hi.

Alexander: It's okay, y'know, you just nodded off again.

Angelica: What's going on with you?

Peggy: I got no sleep last night!

Alexander: Why?

Peggy: My grandmother has this new boyfriend, and they're both kind of insecure in bed. Oh, and deaf. So they're constantly, like, having to reassure each other that they're having a good time. You have no idea how loud they are!

Angelica: Well, if you want, you can stay with Eliza and me tonight.

Peggy: Thanks.

(John and Hercules enter. Hercules is counting his steps.)

Hercules: ...Ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven. See, I told you! Less than a hundred steps from our place to here.

John: You got waaaay too much free time.

Hercules: (to Alexander) Hey! Here's the birthday boy! Alexander, check it out: hockey tickets, Rangers-Penguins, tonight at the Garden, and we're taking you.

John: Happy birthday, dude!

Hercules: We love you, man.

Alexander: Huh...funny...my birthday was ten months ago.

Hercules: So?

Alexander: So, I'm guessing you had an extra ticket and couldn't decide which one of you got to bring a date?

John: Well, aren't we Mr. "The glass is half empty."

Alexander: Oh my God, oh- is today the 20th?, October 20th?

Angelica: Oh no, I was hoping you wouldn't remember.

Alexander: Ohhh...man.

Hercules: What's wrong with ze 20th?

John: Eight days before my birthday? (He chuckles)

(Everyone stared.)

John: (He ignores them) ...Eleven days before Halloween... all the good costumes are gone?