F.R.I.E.N.D.S Hamilton AU

Ep 8: The One Where Nana Dies Twice

[Scene: John's Office, John is on a coffee break. Shelley enters.)

Shelley: Hey gorgeous, how's it going?

John: Dehydrated Japanese noodles under fluorescent lights... does it get better than this?

Shelley: Question. You're not dating anybody, are you, because I met somebody who would be perfect for you.

John: Ah, y'see, perfect might be a problem. Had you said 'co-dependent', or 'self-destructive'...

Shelley: Do you want a date Saturday?

John: Yes please.

Shelley: Okay. He's cute, he's funny, he's-

John: He's a he?

Shelley: Well yeah! ...(Realises John's not gay) Oh God. I- just- I thought- Good, Shelley. I'm just gonna go flush myself down the toilet now...(backs out of the room) Okay, goodbye...

Opening Credits

[Scene: Angelica and Eliza's, everyone is there.)

John: ...Couldn't enjoy a cup of noodles after that. I mean, is that ridiculous? Can you believe she actually thought that?

Eliza: Um... yeah. Well, I mean, when I first met you, y'know, I thought maybe, possibly, you might be...

John: You did?

Eliza: Yeah, but then you spent Peggy's entire birthday party talking to my breasts, so then I figured maybe not.

John: Huh. Did, uh... any of the rest of you guys think that when you first met me?

Angelica: I did.

Peggy: Yeah, I think so, yeah.

Hercules: Not me.

Alexander: Nono, me neither. Although, uh, y'know, back in college, Susan Sallidor did.

John: You're kidding! Did you tell her I wasn't?

Alexander: No. No, it's just 'cause, uh, I kinda wanted to go out with her too, so I told her, actually, you were seeing Bernie Spellman... who also liked her, so...

(Hercules congratulates Alexander, sees John's look and abruptly stops.)

John: Well, this is fascinating. So, uh, what is it about me?

Peggy: I dunno, 'cause you're smart, you're funny...

John: Alexander is smart and funny, d'you ever think that about him?

All: Yeah! Right!

John: WHAT IS IT?!

Angelica: Okay, I-I d'know, you-you just- you have a quality.

All: Yes. Absolutely. A quality.

John: Oh, oh, a quality, good, because I was worried you guys were gonna be vague about this.

(Phone rings; Angelica gets it)

Angelica: Hello? Hello? Oh! Eliza, it's Paolo calling from Rome.

Eliza: Oh my God! Calling from Rome! (Takes phone) Bon giorno, caro mio.

Alexander: (to Hercules) So he's calling from Rome. I could do that. Just gotta go to Rome.

Eliza: Angelica, your dad just beeped in, but can you make it quick? Talking to Rome. (Showing off to Peggy and John) I'm talking to Rome.

Angelica: Hey dad, what's up? (Listens) Oh God. Alexander, it's Nana.