What Brought Us Together

Something to Admire

2 MONTHS LATER:

It was now September and the twins had finally been released from the hospital after staying in for 60 days. Lotus had low blood pressure at one point and Aayan had under developed lungs. Both needed time to get healthy so they've been monitored. Every day Ephraim and Tarryn were at the hospital and neither of them took any chances on leaving them.

They were on a feeding tube so she couldn't breastfeed like she hoped but even after the twins were born, she didn't have enough milk supply. Droplets is what she gets. At the time, she tried massaging her breasts, hot water towels, and hydrating as much as possible and it seemed like it wasn't enough.

Truthfully, she didn't even feel like a mother because she felt like she couldn't feed her children properly. It was her mindset. Once she felt like that, she pretty much felt defeated. She felt like she couldn't do anything else. Her mother suggested that she go back to the lactation specialist and ask for advice. Once she did that, it was like magic.

She took her advice in participating in self care, acknowledging her mindset, and trying to stay healthy and maintain a healthy diet. She started back eating her greens and proteins and anything that can benefit in the production of her breast milk and it did. She also helped her look into Fenugreek. Works like a charm.

Tarryn went from little to no milk to her shirt being wet and having a pump and bottle on standby. She was overjoyed when she successfully filled up two bottles in one sitting. She cried when she was able to take her babies off of formula and onto breast milk. Now that the babies were getting stronger and healthier, they have obtained a small sucking sensation and Tarryn wanted to take a jab at breastfeeding.

She tried with Aayan first and it took a couple of tries. She was very nervous at first because she felt like her boob was too big and that it might suffocate him but her mother assured her that it wouldn't. When he latched, she shed a tear and not the good kind. She felt all of his baby gums chomping on her nips and it hurt like hell.

With tears in her eyes, she kept Aayan in place as she fed him. The pain wasn't so bad after a while but watching him being fed from her was like a healing experience. When he was done, she burped him and then passed him off to Ephraim who already had his hands out and watch him rest in his fathers arms. She tried again with Lotus this time but he didn't have the same luck as his brother. His mouth was open but he didn't latch. She gave it a couple minutes but the result was still the same. She grabbed his bottle, the one they allowed them to keep from the NICU and fed him with that.

He latched on easily with that and Tarryn wasn't even mad. She just ruled it off as nipple confusion, but just as long as he was being fed by her titty milk.

Since being home, Ephraim has been nothing short of amazing. He took care of her and the twins when needed and he was always present. He was her rock. First bath, first shower, and first poop. He ain't never seen her naked body this many times in his life, but surely he didn't complain.

Even when she complained about her body and how she wants to start back working out, he supported her. When she wanted to cut her hair off, and did, he supported her. Or when she reiterated that no one was seeing their kids until the twins are 6 months, he damn sure supported her.

In the NICU, Aayan caught a nasty infection and they thought that he wasn't going to make it but he pulled through. That was the scariest thing that they've had to go through. Breathing machines, blood pressure steroids, all sorts of heart monitors. Tarryn cried every night in Ephraim's arms because she thought that her baby was gonna die. Around that time, they were given limited time to see him because he was so sick, even though they did protocol. She felt like she didn't hold him enough, kiss him enough, told him she loved him enough. At that moment, nothing felt like it was enough.