FORTIETH
XZ is curled up in a ball on her bedroom floor; the white box that contains Nereo’s letters is inside her arms, and tear stains are on her face. She can’t remember the last time her body felt rested. When she’s able to sleep from time to time, she’d wake up in the middle of the night, crying, feeling as if the moment when she lost Nereo keeps on repeating inside her head over and over again... even in her dreams.
When she heard her alarm go off, she turned it off and made her way to the bathroom to take a shower. She didn’t turn the heater on, she let the cold water soak her skin. She remembered how the raindrops fell on her face when she was standing alone in the middle of everything when Nereo suddenly called her name. She recalled how happy she was while they were driving up a hill. Nereo even had a sheet that they laid out on the hood of his car. She will never forget how beautiful Nereo’s eyes were that night, how beautiful his voice was, and how he made her feel like someone finally understands her.
“You feel lost, don’t you?” patanong na saad ni Nereo pero hindi naman talaga siya naghihintay ng sagot kaya nagsalita na ulit siya nang ibalik niya ang tingin sa kalangitan.
“You know, I consider all people as stars. Some shine brighter than the others and some just... die. I believe that sometimes, our shine becomes dimmer and that causes us to get lost. You can’t see a dim star in a night sky, can you?” Lingon sandali ni Nereo at nagpatuloy sa sinasabi.
“Sometimes we’re all just lost stars in the sky. And you know something worse than being lost? Being lonely. Being lost and alone may be the worst thing anyone could feel and experience. But I won’t let that happen to you, XZ. I will never let you feel alone. Ever.”
“I’m lost and alone right now, Nereo...” lumuluhang saad ni XZ habang patuloy ang pag-agos ng tubig sa kaniyang ulo pababa sa kaniyang katawan. Pinihit niya ang hawakan ng shower upang lumakas ang agos ng tubig na bumubuhos sa kaniya at saka niya niyakap ang kaniyang sarili at tuluyan nang sumabay ang kaniyang mga luha sa tubig.
“...and you’re not here.”
***
“XZ,”
“XZ, are you okay?” tanong ni Mel sa kaibigan nang ilang minuto na itong tulala habang kumakain sila. Silang tatlo lang muna nina Liv at XZ sa ngayon dahil alam nilang lahat na kailangan ni XZ ng distansiya mula sa mga tao.
Dapat ay ngayong araw pa lang ang uwi ni Liv Villanovo galing Singapore ngunit agad itong umuwi ng Pilipinas nang mabalitaan ang nangyari kaya hindi na siya natuloy sa 2-day concert ng Coldplay sa Singapore na pupuntahan niya sana.
“Yeah...” matamlay na sagot ni XZ at saka pinilit ngumiti upang hindi na mag-alala ang mga kaibigan niya sa kaniya.
“You don’t have to force yourself to smile for us. We know you’re not okay and that’s fine with us. We may not fully understand how hard it is for you right now but we know you need time and you can take all the time you need, XZ. We’ll wait for you. We’re not going anywhere, we’ll be with you anytime you need us.” Lumingon si Mel kay Liv, “Right, Liv?”
“Yes. We’re here for you, XZ.” Hawak ni Liv sa kamay ni XZ kaya napababa ang tingin nito sa mga kamay nila. XZ is really thankful for her friends. They’re very understanding and they’ve never let her feel like she’s baggage for them to carry although she thinks she is.
“Thank you,” saad ni XZ. Tumabi sa kaniya sina Liv at Mel at niyakap siya kaya hindi niya napigilan ang sariling mapaluha. It feels good to know and feel that someone’s there for her through everything she’s going through now.
BINABASA MO ANG
Lost Stars
Novela Juvenil[SMUG Series #1] XZ Martinez is a smart young woman. She was born to a rich and famous family but she doesn't seem to like it. Unlike her older brother, Valentine, XZ is and will never be used to the attention people are giving her but she guesses t...
