Talk To Me, Inumaki | Toge

36. Chapter Thirty-Six

Y/N

I couldn't explain myself to him.

No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't. Megumi would always have a panick attack when I leave his side, because as I've said . . . he didn't get better, he got worse.

Inumaki was staring at me, still with his sad smile yet all I could do was to hold back my tears and restrain myself from talking.

He was waiting. He was waiting for me to explain myself, to tell him that what he just heard isn't going to happen. He was waiting for me to run to him and apologize. He was waiting for me to tell him he shouldn't worry.

But I couldn't afford to do that, any of of it. If I do, Megumi might find out what everyone of us has been hiding from him.

He might find out that it's Inumaki that I love, and he has got no chance to change that.

When Inumaki realized that I wasn't going to say and do anything, he heaved a deep sigh, still staring at me. I was about to show him a forced smile when I saw a tear fell from his eye. My lips parted.

I clenched my fist and gathered all my strength to stop myself from walking towards him. I . . . want to hug and kiss him so bad.

Maybe he sensed that, maybe he felt my urge to run to him and do something that will make Megumi's state even worse that it already is.

So, Inumaki slowly shook his head. He showed me a much wider smile and wiped his tears off with the back of his hand.

'Don't bother, love. I'm alright.' 

I heard him say in my mind.

And that was it. I hurriedly ran to the bathroom and there, I let all my pent up emotions out. "I want to hug him so bad," I whispered in between my sobs. But I covered my mouth with my palm, making sure no one hears me crying.

"I'm sorry, Inumaki, I didn't meant to . . . I didn't mean to, I promise!" I cried again, my voice muffled.

He looked so broken earlier. He looked so hurt, he looked like he badly want to cry.

It was all my fault, it was all my doing. He was feeling horrible because of me. I caused him that. I cried harder. It was getting difficult to breathe. Damn, I badly want to feel his warmth right now.

I want to hear his reassuring voice, his sweet words just to stop me from crying. His passionate kisses that pulls me out of my hurting mind. His touch . . . I miss his touch so much. I miss  him so much.

I just want to run to him and stop thinking of anybody else. I smiled bitterly.

If only I could do that.

Half an hour. I spent half an hour inside the restroom crying my heart out. I didn't care how I would explain myself to Megumi right now. All I could think about was on how to make it up to Inumaki when Megumi stole all the time I'm supposed to give to my love.

I got out of the restroom with swollen eyes. Of course, Megumi noticed it.

He immediately stood up and caressed my cheek. His face was frowning, "Did you cry? Was that the reason why you were taking so long there?" Megumi's face was full of concern, I couldn't get mad at him.

He was also just a victim . . . like us.

Then, he looked me in the eye with guilt. "Did . . . Did I make you cry?"

I badly wanted to shout 'yes!' Because he was the reason for my hurting. If only he wasn't like this, then I wouldn't be so torn. If only he lets himself get better, then Inumaki and I wouldn't be so hurt.