Talk To Me, Inumaki | Toge

37. Chapter Thirty-Seven

Y/N

I closed my eyes and heaved a deep breath. Now, what should I do? Which choice is really for the best? Which choice is not selfish?

'Megumi needs your help, Y/N.' My conscience whispered, making me clench my fist.

'But Inumaki yearns for your love,' Said my subconciousness.

I bitterly smiled. We both do. I yearn for his love just as how much he does for mine. But isn't that too much selfishness? What about the person who will get hurt? Not just emotionally but physically and mentally also?

After heaving another sigh, I opened my eyes and looked at Inumaki's vulnerable and pleading ones.

'Please?'

Why is he begging? I clenched my fist tighter to fight my tears from falling. He shouldn't be begging! He knows that if I had a choice, I would always choose him. He knows that.

"I . . . will always choose you. You know that, right?"

My heart clenched when he started profusely shaking his head.

'I don't even know anymore. Why are you saying that when you always go to Megumi?'

I moved closer to him and caressed his cheek. "It's because he needs me more than anyone else, baby. You understand that, right? Please tell me you do," I pleaded, yet he shook his head again.

'I need you more than anyone else too but you're choosing someone over me . . .' He avoided my gaze and went back to laying in the bed. He turned his back from me.

' . . . I know I promised to wait, but I don't think I still can.'

Anxiousness and fear took over me when I heard him say that. More tears fell from my eyes, blurring my vision but I didn't care. I reached for Inumaki's hand and kissed it as I sob, shaking my head over and over again.

"Y-You don't mean that, right? You'll wait . . . Inumaki, you'll wait! I don't have a choice. I love you so much but I don't have a choice . . . please understand, just like you always do! Inumaki, please . . ." My last word was almost not heard.

I knew he was about to say something but he was stopped by the door slamming open.

"Y/N! You should head back now, Megumi's looking for you!" I heard my brother's voice.

Yet I shook my head. I can't . . . once I leave this room, I might also lose him. I can't . . . I can't do it anymore. I'm tired, I just want to be with Inumaki.

He's my rest, after all.

"Y/N, I know I promised five hours but Megumi found out about you and Toge," My brother pulled me by my arm but I sobbed harder while shaking my head. I can't. I'm tired. I can't.

"Y/N, your friend's life is at risk. You know that Megumi is mentally unstable, he might do something horrible! Put away your emotions even just for today and save your friend!"

Save him? I've been doing that for half a year now. By saving him . . . I risked my own salvation—my mind was always in chaos, drowned in depression. By making him happy . . . I risked my own happiness. I kept on doing that, until now I still do.

I held Inumaki's hand tightly, not planning to let go of it.

Can't I make my own choice even just for today, too? I have forgotten how it feels now.

Gojo pulled my arm in a harsher way, making me let go of Inumaki's hand. I cried even more. Inumaki didn't even face me. I know he's tired . . . I know he's hurt. It must have been hell for him.