Behind My Walls✔️

Chapter 39

All the blood drained on my face as a gasp escaped my lips, and I covered my mouth with a trembling hands as the achingly river cascaded down my cheeks. Brain tumor?! Did my Ammi suffered from a Brain tumor without my knowledge? Did her constant head ache was as a result of a Brain tumor? Did she suffered from this rare disease without telling me? Did she always concealed her pain from me with her smile?.

I felt a lump in my throat as my thudding heart kept aching. With my glued eyes on the paper; I read the word below which indicated that the Brain tumor was second stage, which was heart shattering because Ammi got to experienced these severity stages of pain without a glimpse of my knowledge.

I felt dumb, wrecked, regrets piercing through me as the one person I cherished in my whole life wasn't aided by me. A new excruciating pain engulfed my heart, as the unstoppable achy tears cascaded down my cheeks.

"Were you ever going to tell me?". I asked sensing the presence of Abba at the door. "Were you ever going to tell me that Ammi was a Brain tumor patient?!". I stood up, holding tight on the paper, watching him with my teary blurred vision.

His shoulders slumped. "Ikhbal!". He whispered.

"Was I not strong enough to handle it? Was I not capable enough for Ammi to have me aiding her? Was I too dump to understand that, that was what was destined for her?". My breath hitched. "Are you my father that I always entrusted my trust to, because I think that will be reciprocated towards this!". I said sounding louder than I would've. "I always pondered on why I wasn't closer to you but now I know that you are not enough without her!". My lips trembled as I immediately regretted what slipped out of my mouth. I staggered back helplessly, and raised my eyes watching the bloodshot eyes looking Abba. "I.. I'm... I didn't... I'm sorr...". My body slumping down as fatigue was engulfing me.

I felt hands on my shoulders. "Hey! hey!". Abba held me tightly sitting us on the bed. He cleared my teary face with his hand, waiting until I sniffed back my tears.

"I AM sorry". He fixed my hair. "I'm so sorry if that's what you feel. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you sooner. I'm sorry that I kept this a secret to you, but that doesn't mean you were not strong enough, that doesn't mean you were not capable enough". He propped up my face to look at him. "That means you are so dear to me to watch you broken, you are my life that I couldn't resist telling you what will crumble you back to your mom's painful memories. I couldn't bear to watch my little angel loosing her happiness. I couldn't bear to loose your smile just like your Ammi". He paused holding back his already cascading tears which was my turn to wipe his face.

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier, you are and will always be my one and only Abba. You had been the reason I smiled again. You are enough and will always be, with whom I will live to the memories of Ammi". I stated with my cocky voice.

He smiled faintly, smooched my forehead and held me to him whilst I placed my head on his chest listening to his rhyming heart beat. We stayed quite for awhile just delving into the lulled atmosphere as he stroked my hair gently.

"I could remember the day your Ammi gave birth to you, that was the best day of my whole life". He started, while I fidgeted with his fingers. "You were such a little angel, MY little angel and I couldn't resist the joy of you in my arms but cried, the nurses had to asked why I was crying". He laughed amidst talking. "That was the beginning of our joyful lives because of you". I propped my head up to look at him. "And I will never trade that memory for anything, because you are the reason I can still see the glimpse of hope in life". He smiled.

I sniffed back tears, hence I teared down my eyes enough. "I love you Abba". I held him tightly.

"I love you too habibti". He smooched my forehead and held me to his chest.