Y/n Odinsdottir

Chapter Forty

*narrator pov*
"We found it" Thor repeated "what's going on? I thought you'd be more excited."
You weren't saying anything.
Your face had gone blank and you were looking down at your feet.
"Y/n what's wrong?" Loki asked as he comfortingly put an arm on your shoulder.
"I... don't want to remember."
"I'm sorry I don't think I heard you right" Loki laughed. "You... you don't want to remember?"
"No" you shook your head and turned to walk off.
Loki's magic stopped you as he lifted you in the air.
You rolled your eyes as he spun you around to face him.  
"Loki put me down" you said calmly.
"No. No tell me that's not true."
"Put me down. Now."
"No! Tell me why you don't want to remember!"
"Because I don't. And it's my decision."
"No it's not. Not when your brother and I have been avoiding your father while trying to steal from him."
"Well I'm sorry. But I changed my mind."
"Y/n why don't you want to remember?" Thor asked.
"Yes. Please do enlighten us. Because when I left you, you were cutting yourself so we would tell you what happened. What changed?"
"I realised there is nothing worth remembering."
"And how would you know that?"
"Because I am happy. And there is nothing I want to know anymore. There is nothing I could possibly need to know that would change how I feel."
"Then why not find out anyway?" Thor asked.
"If she says she doesn't want to know, maybe don't push her" Steve argued.
"You told her not to, didn't you?" Tony accused.
"Excuse me?" Steve objected. 
"You told her not no." 
"And why would I do that?" 
"Oh you know why."
"This has nothing to do with Steve, Tony!" you interrupted. "I can make my own decisions. This is my choice. I don't want to know."
"You're telling me Steve didn't say anything to you about getting your memories back?" Tony asked.
"He... may have suggested it. But he's right. We're happy together and I can live without knowing my past. He's enough for me."
You looked at Steve and smiled, and he smiled back.
"I can't believe you would say that to her" Tony shook his head in disbelief.
"Tony, I would've realised it on my own" you claimed.
"Y/n" Loki said.
"Loki" you replied.
"You are doing this."
"No. I am not."
"Yes. You are."
"I'm not. End of discussion. Put me down." 
"Aw you are so cute" Loki laughed. "You think it's up to you."
"Loki!"
"We're doing this."
"No. It is a complete violati- HMHMHNHM!" you complained and Loki conjured a gag around your mouth.
You tried to pull it off but it didn't budge.    
"HMHHNNHMNHM!"
"No one can understand what you are saying" Thor sighed. 
"HMMNHMHHNHMH!"
Loki smiled at you softly while you glared at him angrily.
You rolled your eyes as Loki left the room and you were forced to follow him.
Thor, Tony and Steve went after him, and they all went to Tony's lab.
You got bored so you started doing somersaults and spins in the air as they spoke.
"So how does this work?" Tony asked. "We break the glass and it spills out over her or something?"
"No. It needs to get underneath her skin" Thor explained.
"Food?" Tony suggested.
"No. It's got to be injected into her brain" Loki added.
"HIHINJECTHMED?!" you cried.
Loki sighed and removed the gag from your mouth.
You dramatically took a deep breath.
"Finally! I'm not fucking letting you inject that shit in my head!"
"Too bad" Loki grinned. "We're gonna do it anyway." 
"Wow. I can't believe I missed you when you were gone. All you do is torment me" you sighed.
"Eh. It's fun."
"You're unbearable."
"I know" Loki smirked.
"So Stark" Thor said. "Can you sort this out into like a needle or something?"
"Yes. I can try."
"Thank you. But when you open the orb, don't spill any of it. She could lose a whole chunk of her memories" Loki informed.
"So no pressure" Stark nodded.
"Are you positive you can do this?" Thor asked.
"I wouldn't if I wasn't sure" Tony assured.
"Hey how about" you said, "we don't do it. Then we're not risking anything. And everything is fine!"
"Will you stop protesting and accept the fact that this is going to happen" Loki smirked. 
"UUUUUUUUUU-" you groaned.
"Y/n..." Thor said.
"-UUUUUUUUUGH! Fine" you pouted.
"You're being awfully quiet Rogers" Tony glared at Steve. "Got something you want to say?"
"No..." Steve walked over to you where you were laying back horizontally suspended in mid-air. You leant your head back upside down and smiled at him. "...because we love each other."
"And nothing is going to change that" you smiled at him. You reached up your hand and pulled the back of his head closer, and kissed him.
Loki dropped you out the air.
"SHIT!" you cried as you fell in front of Steve. "LOKI you're a bitch!"
Steve helped you up and you flipped off Loki. 
"Okay. I'm going. Tell me when you're done" you sighed and walked out on your own. Steve was going to follow, but Tony advised him otherwise.
You decided to go and visit Bucky for the second time that day.
He smiled when he saw you again.
"Hey. What are you doing back here?" 
"Thor and Loki came back" you grinned.
"That's great. I know you missed them."
"Mhm."
"Hey what's the matter?"
"Nothing. They, uh, found a way to restore my memories."
"But that's good isn't it?"
"I don't know. I'm happy now, Bucky. What if I remember something that ruins it?" 
"Nothing will ruin it. I will personally make sure you're happy. No matter what."
"That's so sweet Buck."
He grinned and shuffled over in his bed. You had been awkwardly standing at the end of it, so you climbed in next to him.
"How's the cut?" you asked.
"It's fine. I'll live. What about you?"
"I wasn't hurt."
"I know. But how are you feeling? You definitely weren't okay after what happened last night."
"Mhm. I'm trying to forget it happened."
"Sorry I asked."
"No it's okay. But yeah I'd rather not talk about it."
Bucky pulled you closer and you hugged him.
You sat in his arms, silently, for a while.  
"Bucky. Should I be scared?" you asked. 
"No" he replied instantly. "What about?"
"My past. Is there anything I should be worried about?"
"Uhm... y/n I'm gonna ask you a question but you can't ask me anything after."
"Okay..." you said cautiously.
"Do you love Steve?"
"Everyone keeps asking me that. Does my past have something to do with him? Did we fight?"
"Uh No no no. I said you can't ask me anything. Just answer the question."
"Yes, I love Steve."
"Then you'll be fine."
"Okay good. Steve makes me happy" you nodded. "I want to spend the rest of my life with him."
"Wow that's great" Bucky's tone had dropped. He sounded annoyed.
"I hope my memories don't complicate things. I don't want to break up with him. He's so sweet and caring. I really love him, Bucky."
"Mhm."
You looked at him questioningly.
"What's up Buck?"
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know. You've gone quiet. And you look pissed."
"I always look like this."
"You were smiling a minute ago... Bucky? Seriously what's wrong?"
"I'm fine" Bucky lied and pulled a fake smile across his face. "Why don't you go find your brothers?"
"Um okay. You don't want to come?"
"No I'll stay here."
"Okay. I'll come see you when... it's done."
"No, don't."
"Don't? Why not?"
"Stay with Steve. Promise me?"
"Bucky why?"
"Promise. Me."
"Okay I promise."
"Good. Now go."
"I'll see you tomorrow?"
"Maybe."
"Maybe? Bucky please tell me what's going on." 
"Nothings going on y/n. Go find your brothers."
"Okay."
You got out the bed, but bent over and gave him a kiss on the cheek before leaving.
The others were still in the lab, but Tony wasn't done yet.
"Hey. So where'd you go?" Steve asked.
"I just visited Bucky" you stated.
"Yeah? What did you talk about?"
"Stuff" you shrugged. "Does anyone have any food?"
"No. You can't have food" Tony said without looking away from his work.
"But I'm hungry!"
"No food y/n."
"Ughhhh" you moaned and sat down in a chair, and you banged your forehead down on the table. "I'm regretting this."
"Okay. I'm almost done" Tony nodded. "Do you want to lie down over there?"
You hopped onto the tabletop that Tony was pointing at. 
He held up a needle.
"You ready?" Tony asked. 
"If I say no, you'll do it anyway."
"Yes."
"No I'm not ready."
"I'm going to do it anyway."
"Mhm."
You lay down on the table and started to breathe out your mouth. 
"Okay tie her down" Tony nodded.
"Aha what?" you laughed nervously.
"Okay don't freak out" Loki started. "But you have powers... and we need to take precautions."
"I have powers?"
"Kinda. Yeah."
"We need to take precautions?"
"Yes. But it's nothing to worry about."
"Loki, am I dangerous?"
"What? No. Of course not."
"Loki don't lie to me. Is that why you wouldn't tell me what happened? Have I hurt people?"
"Y/n. You have never hurt anyone. You may have just... put some people to sleep but..."
"What does that mean?!" you exclaimed and sat up on the table.
"No don't worry. They all woke up..."  
Your breaths became quicker and sharper.
Loki noticed and grabbed your hands.
"I promise you, you are fine. You will be fine y/n."
You stared at Loki, focusing on his breathing, and trying to copy it. 
He smiled supportively and you slowly leant back against the table again. 
Tony pulled something across your chest, then tied down your ankles.
Loki had to let go of your hands as Tony tied down your wrists, but he instantly picked one up again.  
"Okay y/n" Tony said "this may hurt."
You nodded quickly and shut your eyes.
You squeezed Loki's hand tightly. 
Tony walked over to the end of the table and held the needle up to your head.
You felt a tiny prick.
"That wasn't that bad..."
You regretted it as soon as you said it.
Your head was pounding. It felt like someone was screaming into each ear, and someone had cut open your brain and was punching each part repeatedly.
You moaned painfully through clenched teeth.
You tried desperately not to scream out.  
Steve, Tony and Thor stood by your head.
Loki was still by your side, not letting go of your hand. He couldn't - you were clutching it too tightly.
Suddenly, your body started to glow purple, and you started to shake all over.
Your mouth opened but nothing came out.
Your eyes opened too, glowing a bright purple.
"What's going on?" Loki asked worriedly.
You shook more vigorously on the table, only held down by the ties around your chest, ankles and wrists. 
"Stark what is happening?" Thor yelled. 
You stopped moving. Your eyes and mouth closed and you dropped Loki's hand.
"Y/n?" Loki grabbed your shoulders and started to shake them gently. "Y/n wake up. Please wake up." 
"Y/n!" Thor ran over and started to untie your wrists.
"NO!" you screamed and opened your eyes. You would've sat up if you weren't still tied down across the chest. You were breathing heavily and nervously.
"I gotta... I gotta... go."
Thor had freed your hands so you used them to pull the bounds across your chest.
You succeeded then sat up and reached down to your feet.
You pulled off your wrist restraints then jumped down off the table.
Loki put his arm around you to stop you from walking out.
"Y/n wait. Where are you going?" he asked.
You stared up into his eyes.
"Who- who are you?" you whispered.
"What?" Loki cried. "No no no no no..."
"Shit no Loki I'm joking."
"God y/n don't do that" he sighed and pulled you in for a hug.
"Sorry" you apologised and hugged him back.
Thor came from the side and hugged you both.
"Y/n?" Steve called.
"Shit. Hide me" you muttered, as you were sandwiched between Thor and Loki.
They laughed and both stepped aside.
You slowly turned around to face Steve.
"So..." he said. "What happens now?"
"Steve, I love you..."
He smiled and stepped over towards you before you could finish. He pulled you in and kissed you.
You pulled back.
"But I love Bucky too."