Heartbreak (TodoDeku)

Chapter 15: Moon Goddess

The sun was setting as I left the cabin. I spent hours trying to explain what happened to Shin and Kami. They were a nervous wreck when they pulled me into the cabin. Kami was a sobbing mess as he yelled at me for leaving, telling me over and over how worried he was for me. I have never seen Kami like that, he is always care free, and seeing him like this broke my heart. Even Shin looked like he had cried. His eyes were red and he kept hugging me every few minutes, telling me I couldn't leave like that again. Both of them look sleep deprived and by the end both grumpy. I had to promise many times that I would never leave during my heat again. 

To be honest, the conversation drained me. I felt like a child being scolded by his parents. The feeling of guilt eating me up as I realized my absence after Kacchan's death only worsened their health rather than helped them. Goddess, I'm so stupid. Why didn't I think of that? I'm obviously not a good leader for them. I can't get out of my head long enough to see if my decisions are actually productive or not.

Maybe I can talk to Shoto and see if he is willing to take them into his pack. I can't hold them down with my inability to lead. They deserve a Superior that can keep a level head and prioritize them.

I feel my eyes stinging and try to hold them back. It seems all I've done is cry and I'm tired of it. How can my body keep doing this? It hasn't helped at all, but here I am still doing it. It just drains my energy, pulls me down to the point that I can't get back up.

I start walking to the pond slowly, my mind wrapped in the conversation I had with my pack. Replaying the crying and yelling over and over again. It takes me a moment to realize someone is walking next to me.

I look up and try to smile as Shoto is already looking at me, a small smile on his face. "Sorry, I didn't notice you were here." I mumble, quickly wiping away any possible tears that would be noticeable.

"You're fine, I didn't want to disturb your thoughts." He says, a small hint of worry on his face. But just as fast as I saw it, it was gone.

"Na, my thoughts aren't the best place for me anyway." I sigh, it isn't even a lie. My head has been a toxic place recently, so maybe staying out of it will help.

"Well, maybe bathing in warm water will clear your head." He says with a soft smile as he gestures towards the treeline.

I feel myself shift, pushing all my negative feelings into a box and closing it for another time. Allowing myself to breathe in the new potential of contentment with the alpha beside me.

I beam at him and speed up my pace. "I expect to not be thrown in the water this time." I state as I skip ahead. Though I wouldn't mind if we did start playing in the water together. I can't help it, I am part dog after all. I love water.

I wait on the side of the pond, crouching down next to the alpha as Shoto puts his hand in the water to warm it. He holds it in the water, the water softly lapping at his wrist.

"How long will it stay warm?" I ask as a cold breeze hits me. I wrap my cloak around me tighter to lock in my body heat. I push my nose further into the fabric, breathing a hot breath under the fur. I don't know if it is my brain making things up, but I thought I smelt Kacchan for a second. I close my eyes as I hear Shoto replies, reminding myself to stay out of my head.

"Not very long with just my hand. I can keep it at a constant temperature if more of my body is  in it though." he says, turning to me. I can't help the soft giggle that escapes me as I read between the lines.

"Is that your way of asking me if you can join?" I tease with a smirk on my face.

"No, this is." He sits up and takes my hand bringing it to his face. "Izuku, I would love to join you this evening," he kissed my hand, keeping his gaze on me before continuing. "But I will not pressure you. If you wish, I will keep only my hand in the water until you have had your fulfillment."