Her Reign

Chapter 36

ALENA

It has been over two weeks since my attack and I’m feeling physically better. I still have a ways to go before I completely heal but the pain is gone. I do have a little bit of discomfort when I overexert myself but overall, I feel good. My scars still look bad. They are reddish purple, and they itch like hell. Molly took my stitches out last week and she told me that the itching is part of the healing process. She gave me cream for it, and it also helps reduce scarring. I’m self-conscious about my scars. I don’t like to show them to anyone. I wear clothes that cover my arms and chest. It does show on my neck above my collar, but my hair helps with hiding it.

Molly told me over time, the scars will fade but they will never completely go away. Everyone tells me I should be proud of showing them because it proves how strong I am but that’s not the case. I feel weak. I feel like I’m not good enough. Yeah, I was able to protect my mom, but I went down in the process. Too many died trying to protect me. There isn’t a day I don’t think about it. The guilt and shame I feel is almost unbearable. The families that will never see their loved ones again, haunt me. I don’t want to worry anyone though, so I keep it to myself. They have all been through enough, so I hide my feelings. I walk around with a smile on my face and act happy but inside, I’m falling apart. I have nightmares every night. I usually wake up covered in sweat, panting heavily and in panic. The anxiety I feel makes my chest hurt. Sometimes I feel like I’m having a heart attack. It becomes hard to breathe. The hardest part of hiding it is when we are on the road and end up staying in a hotel. I had to beg my parents to allow me my own room. They were suspicious when I didn’t want to share a room with Courtney. Even though she is my best friend, I don’t want her to know about my nightmares. I finally got my parents to agree when I finally convinced them that I only wanted a good night’s rest, and I couldn’t do that with Courtney snoring. She always has but it doesn’t usually bother me. I also had to promise my father that I wouldn’t allow Damon in at any time.

We are sitting in the car, traveling east to the next pack. We’ve been to several packs. Things have been going relatively smoothly. We show up at a pack, going through everything and speaking to the members, there have only been minor issues and they were solved fairly easily. There have been four people taken into custody, relating to my attack. Three have been elders and one regular pack member that was used as a messenger. We didn’t have any proof that the alphas of those packs were involved. My mom wasn’t able to see anything. Either they were innocent, or they were purposely kept from any details so my mom couldn’t see into their thoughts. An alpha would be the first in the pack that anyone would suspect so it makes sense. My mom doesn’t have time to go through hundreds of minds at each pack, but we were able to get those four because other prisoners had given their names during interrogations and she confirmed it.

My mother has been queen for ten years and others have judged her based on rumors and lies. Just because they had no knowledge of the attack doesn’t mean she didn’t see the hate they have grown towards her. She says most of them are arrogant pricks that will never change. Some of them had slightly thought differently of her after meeting her but being a woman, she will never be good enough in their eyes. My mother would never punish anyone for having their own thoughts and opinions as long as they don’t act on it.

“We are almost there. We should be arriving in about thirty minutes.” My mom said pulling me from my thoughts.

We started getting our things together. I’m getting excited because this pack is close to my grandparent’s house and mom said that we were going to stay here a little longer so we could spend time with them.

With everything going on with me, I hope this will help me snap out of this funk I’m in. My grandma always knows how to make me feel better. We have a special bond between us even though we don’t see each other as much as I would like. My mom has been trying to get them to move closer to us, but they don’t want to leave New York. My Pop has his own company. He has many people working for him, but he still runs it. Grandma doesn’t have a job, but she runs several different charities. Her and her group of ladies are always busy with brunches, afternoon tea parties and extravagant get togethers. They plan formal banquets and fundraisers along with formal holiday parties. They surround themselves with the elite people of New York.

We arrived at the pack. They were surprised to see us, but everything settled down quickly. I’m surprised that word hasn’t spread to all the packs that we were visiting but apparently it hasn’t. We were unloading the cars and getting settled in. My parents told me that there were two packs not far from each other but instead of uploading and moving twice, we are going to stay here and compute there. I get to divide my time between doing pack work and hanging out with the grands. It's weird to think of a pack being so close to the city but they manage to hide well in the outskirts of a city that never sleeps.

The pack members showed us to our rooms and Damon carried my things up. He put my bags on the floor next to my bed. Without saying a word, he walked towards the door. Instead of leaving, he shut the door, walked back to the bed, and sat down. He stared at me.

“Lena, what is going on with you?” He asked.

“Nothing. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I stated.

“Stop lying to me. I can tell that something isn’t right. I really wish you would talk to me.” He said. I huffed out in frustration.

“I don’t want to talk about it right now. When I’m ready, I will talk to you.”  I said.

“I know this is about the attack, you have been different since you woke up. I’m sure you’re beating yourself up and blaming yourself for the attack. It’s not your fault. I’ve also noticed how much harder you push yourself  in training so don’t tell me it's nothing.” He said.

“Damon, I’m fine. Please stop. I don’t want to talk about it.” I said.

“It’s not going to get better if you keep it all in! Please Alena. You're pulling away from me and I miss you.”  He yelled, whispering the last part.

“I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. Yeah, I still have emotional issues about the attack but I’m fine. Please don’t make more of it than it needs to be.” I said.

He wrapped his arms around me, giving me a hug. He kissed my forehead but before he could say anything else, my mom opened the door. I know I’m not supposed to be in my room with him alone but from the look on her face, she doesn’t look too concerned. We weren’t doing anything.

“Hey, it's time for a quick meeting with the pack. We’re going to go over the necessary things now but we will wait for everything else to start tomorrow. We need to hurry because we’re meeting your grandparents for dinner.” She said.

“Can Damon come with us? I want them to meet him.” I asked.

“Sure. Hurry up.” She said before walking out.